Another one bites the dust
A couple days ago I found out that a friend from high school recently got engaged. My immediate thought wasn’t “Oh wow! Good for her!” like it should have been. Instead, with only the slightest hint of jealousy, I said, “Great. There’s another one.”
I graduated high school in 2004 with less than a hundred kids. In the past four years, nearly half of my hometown friends have either gotten engaged, married, or had a baby. This seriously makes my head spin. We are only 22 years old! Why is everyone trying to rush things?
Or is it just me who isn’t progressing fast enough?
Since high school I have had two relatively serious boyfriends. (I use the word serious in its loosest form.) I “dated” five or six other guys that never earned boyfriend status. And I’ve gone out with a lot of other guys that never made it passed the first or second date. So what’s my problem? Am I took picky? How is that half of my graduating class has already found their soul mate, while I can’t even find a guy that I like long enough to consider updating my facebook status… ?
But here’s the thing. (There’s always a thing, right?) I really don’t think that I am too picky. I don’t have a checklist of qualities that I’m looking for. I’m not ridiculously shallow. I can usually find more good in a person than bad. I just don’t like to force things. If I don’t feel butterflies… a spark… genuine chemistry… then I move on. Why waste time with someone when I know from the get go that it isn’t going anywhere?
Sure, it would be nice to have a boyfriend that I really cared about. But I’m 22. I just earned my bachelor’s degree. I’m applying to grad schools. Traveling. Meeting people. Right now, having a boyfriend just isn’t a priority. I’m probably too selfish anyway–I want my twenties to myself. I don’t ever want to look back at this time in my life and feel like I didn’t experience as much as I could have because I was too busy revolving my life around a guy.
Regardless of all of that, it’s still not easy to hear about other people getting engaged. I’m jealous. Wow, I actually said it. I’ll say it again… I’M JEALOUS! They found someone who adores them and and wants to love them for the rest of their lives. But how? Where is everyone finding these people? Is there some catalog of eligible singles that I haven’t subscribed to yet? What is my problem!?
*Okay, calm down.* This where I remind myself for the umpteenth time that having a boyfriend is not the most important thing right now. *I need to enjoy this me time. I’m only 22. There’s plenty of time. Don’t rush it. Don’t force it. Be happy for those who have found someone. Be patient. My turn will come.*
I’m clearly ambivalent about the matter.
Alright twentysomethings… I want to hear your two sense. Are you in a serious relationship? If so, how the hell did you find him/her? How old were you? If you’re single… how do you feel when it seems like everyone else has found someone? Are you able to enjoy your twenties more because you’re not tied down?
Is it wrong for me to be jealous?
September 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Hey there. I’m 26 and I’m getting married in a couple of weeks. I went to a college of 500 people and they called it a shoe factory because you go in a single and come out in pairs. I can’t even tell you how many of my friends I saw married before me, some even before graduating college.
Before I met my soon-to-be husband, I dated 4-5 guys, two of whom I thought I would marry. One of those was when I was 21, and he broke my heart. The second was when I was 24, and I broke his.
As for my fiance? I’ve known his family since high school, and never thought I would end up with him. He was completely not what I was expecting.
I’m completely excited to be getting married, but I had a really good time in the first half of my twenties being single. I had some amazing roommates, and some really great times. I loved my independence. Part of me is sad to say goodbye to it all.
All that to say, it’s perfectly normal to be somewhat jealous, but seriously, you have tons of time. Enjoy yourself!
September 17th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Soph’s 29. She was 28 when we met, we married six months later. For the record, neither of us want kids, but we just knew that we wanted each other within two weeks of meeting. So that’s that side of the story. Horizons? She’s been around the world by backpack; went to University here and in Canada, lived and worked in Oz for a year and had maybe more boys than most. I’ve been around the world twice, lived and worked in more countries than most visit for holidays and had a doomed long term relationship. But we have both had experience of life and I reckon that’s the key to knowing your own mind. And I’d be really sceptical that folk as young as 22/23 have truly found their soulmate. To me that displays a lack of ambition, a blinkered set of horizons rather than an eyes wide open acceptance of Yes! This Is The One. But I’m a cynic by nature.
September 17th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I do think early 20s is too young to get married, honestly. Although there was certainly that rush soon post high school, I find that my friends have taken it slower (e.g., I just had a rush on engagements in friends, but we are in the late 20s half of things). I think this is because we did prioritize what you spoke of– traveling and getting a career.
Myself? Today is actually my 2 year anniversary (eek!), meaning I met him at 24. We live together, and while I do see us getting married, I don’t expect it right around the corner. We just moved in together this spring, why not enjoy the fun of learning about each other rather than worrying about when we’ll reach the next step.
However, I also spent more than 6 years with a guy without any formal engagement, so you may want to take what I say with a grain of salt
September 17th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I always think “another bites the dust’ when I hear of my friends/people I know getting engaged, it’s funny that you titled this post that way.
On one hand I think we’re all ridiculously too young to be making such big life decisions, but on the other I know of couples (most of them related to me) who have made young love last for decades.
I think it all depends on the person, the couple, and how seriously you take marriage and the work it involves.
I’m currently in a relationship that I could see lasting for the long haul. And while I’m incredibly lucky to have found him (I’m sure I’ll post a how we met story eventually), sometimes I wonder if I feel like I’ve experienced enough to stop dating completely. Though when I think of being back out there, I shudder. Ugh.
I’m in big like with The Boy, transitioning to love a little more each day, and I am ashamed to admit I imagine a ring on my finger almost daily. But I know, if he asked me tomorrow I’d say no.
It’s too soon.
I want to be sure, completely without a doubt sure that I’m marrying my one. And maybe it will be The Boy, but I won’t truly feel like I know that until we’ve survived at least 2 years.
Sometimes I think 20somethings get caught up in the engaged/wedding bliss and forget to look at the bigger picture….like the actual marriage.
September 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I was with a guy for 5 years and I thought he was the one. It took about 5 months of living together to realize that we couldn’t make it work. We were far different people at 23/24 than we were at 18/19 when we started dating. Now at 26, I realize I’m completely different than I was at 23.
I’m not saying that it’s wrong to get married that young, I’m just saying it wasn’t the right person or the right time for me. My 23 year old brother got married this year, and he’s gung ho! I know people who have been married for 4-5 years now and are my age, and people who are my age and divorced.
As far as finding a good guy…wow. If you ever find the answer, please let me know. I’ve heard that the ultimate secret is not to look, but I guess I’m always peeking around!
September 17th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
ok, seriously this reads exactly like an entry from my own personal journal. this is my life.
i don’t think it’s wrong for you or anyone to be jealous, because it’s only natural but i think the jealousy should be short-term. i find that dwelling on things like that are bad bad bad news.
great post!
September 17th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I’m 27. I’ve had one major relationship and am currently single. Sometimes it seems like everyone I know is happily coupled up, married or having babies, or all of the above. And yes, sometimes I am jealous, sometimes I wonder and worry if I’ll ever find that, and it makes me a little sad. And yet at other times the fact that I am still single is huge relief. I can do whatever I please and I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself. Sure that’s selfish, but if I can’t be selfish now, when can I? I can only assume that I’ll get to that place one day, and worrying about it isn’t going to get me anywhere. Really, I just try to enjoy what I have.
September 17th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
i’ve been dating the same person since i was 17. i’m 21 now. looong time. but ENJOY BEING SINGLE.
i’ve found the person who i believe i want to be with for the rest of my life, but we’ve told each other, that yeah, we kind of wish we met a few years later. being single in your 20s seems like a blast.
enjoy it while you have it, and don’t worry - the right person will come along!!
September 17th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I am in a serious relationship (two years next month) but like you I’m applying to graduate schools (for next fall) and we plan to break up when I move. This catches a lot of people off guard. We live in New York (Brooklyn) but I’m not applying to any schools in NY despite some amazing offerings. Both of us firmly believe it’s important to take big/new experiences with complete openness. We couldn’t do that if I was across the coast in Berkeley calculating hours to call NY. I might try to put myself out there but how would I know if I was holding back because I was tied to my relationship in NY.
Getting my Ph.D. is one of my top priorities and while I truly enjoy my relationship, I’m not willing to sacrifice (or even compromise) one of my goals for it. I might think differently at some point but at this point, breaking up feels right.
Luckily for me, I haven’t had the same experiences with numerous friends getting married (though there have been a few — one of them my best friend, who caught me by surprise). However, one of my roommates who is 22 has attended 12 weddings so far this year.
I think when people marry young, it’s a lot more difficult because they may not understand who they are as people, what they want from another person (or themselves even), what they want from life. It’s a lot harder to figure that out juggling someone else’s expectations/feelings than to work it out on one’s own.
P.S. Good luck to you in your application process!
September 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
The story of my fiance and I is a long one. We met way back in 2002 when I started attending the church that my FI grew up in. We were friends for 4 years before we decided to start dating. Now we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years and I truly don’t see myself with anyone else. I guess we are in that “young” crowd, but I don’t see us as jumping into it. When we do tie-the-knot we will have been together for over 4 years; he will be 25 and I will be 22. We are waiting until we are both out of college bf we make it official which I think is a good decision.
I have trouble understanding people who want to “experience life FIRST” before finding someone. By all means, don’t put your life on hold until you find someone special, but the idea that you don’t want to be tied down doesn’t make sense. In my opinion, I wouldn’t really want to have all those experiences alone. I would want to share them with someone I care about. Traveling doesn’t seem nearly as fun by myself. But that’s just my opinion. Don’t stress over finding the right person, you have plenty of time. DO enjoy your time when you don’ t have someone who depends on you.
September 17th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I’m single and don’t really mind (pretty much permanently single, in fact) but sometimes i wonder if i am ever going to find a good man! And I’m not that fussy either!!!
September 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
i’ve had two serious boyfriends in my life, and i’m using serious in it’s most literal sense… as in i could have (and still could) spent my life with wither of these two men. my two serious relationships have spanned from when i was 17 - 24 with a few random guys in between. I met one of the guys through a friend in high school and the other i met on a blind date.
both fell apart for whatever reason (one of them VERY recently) and for the first time in my life, i am learning to be okay on my own. i’ve always been the type to have my life completely figured out, and for the first time ever… i don’t have that. at first, it was a little hard for me to get used to and there were a lot of sleepless nights, but i’m getting used to the idea that all i have to worry about is myself.
i’m pretty much just resolved to thinking that the right person will come along. i’m just gonna have to stop obsessing over it, you know? there’s too much i want out of life to settle.
September 17th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Ahh, this all ties in nicely with what I’m going to write about tomorrow.. perfect! As for being jealous… hmm. That one always gets me because I can completely relate. I don’t like the idea that I sometimes hear that if you ARE jealous, it means you’re not happy, or it lessens what kind of friend you are. I can say with complete sincerity that I have found myself 100% overjoyed at hearing about my friends who are engaged but also find myself 100% jealous. You are definitely not alone.
Just my two cents!
September 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I met my boyfriend about four years agon and we’ve been dating ever since. I had a couple serious relationships and had just gotten out of a bad one. I have the tendency to relationship-hop, but MrB was different. I met him through friends and we fell for each other, hard. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to date other people but then I remember my past experiences. No one has ever cared for me the way MrB has. Not even my family. He’s been through so much with me already and while he was a little put off by my family and upbringing, he accepts them (as much as I do, anyway) and loves me, faults and all. We have our differences, like any couple, and yeah, we did it a little backwards. We had a baby last year. We both grew up fast. Then, when he was born with special needs, we grew up faster. We grew together and individually. No one could ever understand me the way he does, my crazies and all. He makes me feel good and doesn’t let me tear myself down. When I tried to commit suicide three years ago, he visited me every time they let him and called me every night, and even cleaned my house and had a bubble bath prepared for me when I got home. My dad never called or saw me once. That’s how I knew that I could be myself around him, for the rest of my life.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Wow! Such long, in-depth comments! Thanks everyone for sharing… allow me to go get myself a bag of popcorn before I cozy up to read all of these.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I’m 27 and still somewhat newly married (just about 2 years). In the past I had one previous serious relationship which was a “life sucker” for me. I was with the guy for about 2 years. He was a great person, we got along, but something wasn’t right. And I painfully tried to make it “right” for me for at least a year of our relationship. In hindsight, I feel that I was a little misguided in my ideas about a relationship. I had always heard a relationship wasn’t necessarily easy and it was sometimes hard work. Fair enough, I still believe that. However, with my previous relationship I had to work much much too hard to be happy. Eventually I discovered that what I was doing to myself was making me intensely miserable, so I ended it.
And then I met my husband and it was completely and utterly different. I was so surprised at how different my feelings about being in a relationship could be.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
This post says exactly what I feel. I’m 24 and every day someone else from my high school class is getting married. Sometimes I wonder if I am missing out, but most of the time I enjoy my singleness. I enjoy the freedom of doing whatever I want.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
with 25 fast approaching, i can’t see myself getting married anytime soon, let alone at 22. i was in an almost 6 year relationship from the time i was 18 to just about 24. i changed a lot during that time and the goals i started with weren’t the goals i ended with, which meant we ended up on two different paths. so if i had been married at 22 to the person i loved very much, at that time enough to spend my life with him, i would be in big trouble now.
i had this conversation with a friend recently who was married at 24 and is now in her 30s. she said she wouldn’t have married the same man had she met him at 30.
this is what leads me to not really want to get married. i don’t see myself being completely happy with the same partner for 60 years. it just doesn’t make sense, people change. i’d rather have a couple amazing and passionate 10 - 20 year relationships than feel glued to someone for my entire life.
i think i’m going to continue this on my blog..it’s turning into a good post!
September 17th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
I’m turning 24 on Saturday and I feel the exact same way. I had a serious boyfriend for 6 years who broke up with me a few weeks ago. I’m single again, and I never thought I would be. One friend is married, one recently divorced, another about to be engaged. And I am newly single. I’m happy though. I’d rather figure out myself and enjoy my time alone than be with someone who doesn’t make me completely happy.
It’s not wrong to be jealous. I think most people are.
September 17th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I’m 25 and I’ve been dating the same guy for 8 years now. We met in highschool, started dating our senior year, seperated for college… etc. We now live together and have a puppy.
BUT! I don’t see myself getting married for awhile. The majority of my friends are happily married with kids on the way. I don’t see a rush and (luckily!) neither does he. I see my twenties as a time to have fun, travel, work a lot, party, get it all out of my system before I “settle down” and pretend to be an adult.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
This is the cynic in me, but… don’t assume that just because they’re engaged or married or whatever that they’ve found their soul mate. I mean, some people do, but other people make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy everything.
Now for the hypocrite in me… I’m 20 (almost 21!). My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 16, and yeah, I think we’ll get married after I graduate. Are we young? Yes. But I think we’re both pretty mature and responsible, too, and not naive enough to think that once you say “I do” everything will be perfect forever and ever, the end. We’ve both changed so much since we’ve started dating, and we’re still best friends, that I feel confident that we will continue to grow and change together in the future.
And maybe it’s a sign that things are right for me, but I don’t really feel less free or even “tied down.” Many of the things that I “can’t” do since I’m in a relationship are things I wouldn’t do anyway. My girl friends and I still do things together, I’ve gotten to travel some, I’m thinking about grad school eventually, etc. I don’t think being in a serious relationship is holding me back from living my life fully.
But I know what you mean about so many people you know settling down so quickly. I graduated high school in 2005, and several of my classmates already have babies (though none of them are married yet). Engagement and marriage don’t really faze me. Babies? Um, give me another eight or nine years to think about that one…
Aaaand… I pretty much just wrote a book, sorry. Basically, what I mean to say is, I think all of us are in different places, but I don’t think any of us is in the wrong place.
September 17th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Thank you so much for this post. I’m only 20 but I just was dumped by my boyfriend of a year and a half and I can’t get it out of my head that this means I’m going to be alone forever.
You’re courage to want to be alone for all the right reasons is inspiring. But yes, I’m still jealous of all those twenty-somethings who have found their soulmates already! (and okay, sometimes I’m also a bit skeptical… but that’s another story)
September 17th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I live in a small town too and everyone here is getting hitched… I? am completely single and although I don’t love it, I don’t hate it either.
September 17th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I’m 27 and I’ve totally been there and continue to be there as I look forward to standing up in the weddngs for my last few single friends. Totally OK to be the teensiest bit jealous.
And as for meeting someone, I have no useful advice. I’m 27 and have had a couple FAILs in the romance department. Now, I’m in a great relationship and I truly think it was nothing more than luck. Nothing you can do — which is hard for my inner control freak to accept — but it just happens one day.
September 17th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I will be 25 in a month and still very single. I definitely feel jealous when I hear about all of the engagements and weddings but at the same time, I know that I really don’t want that right now. I like that I have a lot of flexibility and I can go anywhere I want without having to consider another person. It sounds selfish but it’s quite freeing. I’m still looking though so if you learn any good tips, feel free to share!
September 17th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I am 23 (and a half!) and I met my fiance when I was 19….It was completely unexpected and I had always thought I wouldn`t get married til late 20`s or early 30`s…..
We met while I was one exchange in Japan, he was 4 years older, I came back to Australia 2 months after we met so we were apart for 10 months. I think the long distance thing made our relationship move faster if that even makes sence. I guess what I mean is that it made us “know” as corny as that sounds. I went back to Japan and we have lived together now for 2.5 years and will marry next year. We are both in AUstralia now until June but will move back to Japan after the wedding.
Meeting someone at 19 was not on the plan but that is just the way it happened!!! And while now, at 23, I am engaged, it wasn`t how I thought things would happen when I was in highschool still but it seems like the right thing to do now.
I had a serious partner before meeting my fiance and dated about 3 or 4 other people in between. I will be 24 when I get married and he will be almost 28. I have had a lot of people comment on my age as where I am from getting married at this age is probably not the norm. I am the only person in my group of friends from highschool that is engaged and nobody is married. But hey, like I said, you can`t really plan when you are going to meet your future husband!
September 17th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I am 23 and recently single. I was in a relationship for about a year and a half, and while part of me thought that he would be the guy I married, part of me also knew that I wasn’t ready for the next big step. We ended up falling out of love, but remained friends.
I’m loving being single right now. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life, so I’m not sure who I want to be with while I do it. I’m working on applying to grad schools, which will be moving me back across the country. Right now just isn’t a good time for a serious relationship for me. If I stumble upon the relationship, of course I won’t ignore it. But I’m not actively searching for it.
Sometimes I get jealous of the people I know in great relationships. Two of my closest friends have been with their current significant others for almost two years, and another just got engaged. Sometimes it is hard to be the single one, but I know it’s right for me right now.
PS: I’m loving Umm… Now what? !!!!!
September 17th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I’m 18. And it might sound weird, but a lot of the people I know who are around my age (18-20) are getting engaged or married, or if not that, have still found the person they PLAN to marry.
And I can’t even find a guy to have a crush on.
And I know I’m focused on school right now, on getting through college so I can move away, but still it bugs me a little. Yes, I’m jealous.
And I’m too young to be jealous, but I am.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:37 am
this was a great post; along with reading all the comments!
age isn’t the thing - it’s the people! although i thought i wouldn’t get married until at least 30, if ever, but fate quickly decided to fork over a good one last year, in the midst of my “anti-dudes month.” (yes, that happened.) he’s too good and IS true, and proposed to me this year. i’m ecstatic to be marrying him, like i never thought i would be.
maybe it’s just new york, but none of my friends are married. the city kind of holds this eternal singledom to its inhabitants, which isn’t as awesome as it sounds. but! i have a great career, and i get to travel with the fiancee (he’s in a touring band) so, my priorities have always been straight. with diligence and a clear mind, i think anyone can achieve these things without compromising something else. not to say that it isn’t hard work, because lord knows it is, but i feel blessed and happy. i’m sure i’d still feel as great if i’d never met him, if i was still single. i’d still have my job and most of all my friends. i wouldn’t know the difference. but now i can’t be without him, and at 24, i’m pretty okay with saying something will be for “the rest of my life.”
but everyone has to do it at their own pace. again, not age, it’s people. my fiancee is 31. he took a while, ha. my friends are all single and happy, and happy for me (i think! haha).
September 18th, 2008 at 1:58 am
I’m 23 and also looking jealously for that catalog of eligible singles.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:31 am
I’m 21 and I’ll be getting married next year. For us I don’t think we’re jumping into anything , not knowing each other or forsaking a future for love. We’ve known each other since the first day of grade nine. Seven years as of september I will have known her. by the 17 of september back in 01 we talked on the phone every day,visited each others houses at least once and bonded over anything from comics to our view on politics at the time.
Yes we are young but we’ve been committed to each other for years. Yes we’ve been living together on our own for years, We’re commonlaw so what makes a piece of paper and a ceremony any more damning? Are we suddenly less responsable will we stop paying our bills and buying groceries becuase we’re ” married?”
This of course is what I hate about being a twenty something, if you’re under 25 it seems like you’re too damned young to be doing anything short of schooling. There are circumstances, every person is different you have to judge each person on a case by case basis.
At my age some people are ready , some people want to settle down, travel and career mean little to them. on the other hand some people are just finding their wings and all the love in the world couldn’t hold them in one place until they feel they’ve done enough in their life.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit jealous of those people but it certainly doesn’t make you a bad person..
September 18th, 2008 at 4:59 am
I’m 23, and have been with D for 4.5 years (or thereabouts). It must have been about 3 years ago that we first talked about getting married. And since then, I think both of us have known it would probably happen.
But we wanted to go through a few things (e.g. the change from uni to work, long distance, living together alone, pet ownership/’trial baby’ as our friends call it) before we made the big move.
Right now, I know the proposal is going to happen any time now. But I don’t know exactly when.
We’ll be pretty young to get married. But I don’t think we’re too young/rushing. I’m excited to live my life, and to grow and change with D…
Knowing that my turn’s so soon makes it even harder when people get engaged (and that’s been happening a lot lately!)
I think it’s perfectly natural to be jealous. As long as it doesn’t take you over!
September 18th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Jess, OF COURSE it’s not wrong to be jealous! As Jenn said above, as long as you balance that jealousy with more positive thoughts - that you are young and beautiful, smart, fabulous. You definitely have time, believe me! You have tons of time! I didn’t find The Lawyer until I was 26 (and he was 30) - and when I think about it, I’m glad I had to go through dating so many other guys, because when I met The Lawyer for the first time, on our first date, I knew he was it. And there is no way I would have had that self-awareness without the years of dating experience that I had.
So hang in there - and try to enjoy being single and dating as much as possible. At the very least, the more you date, the better your life stories will be!
I once dated a guy whose father was a women for ten years. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg…
xo Jen
September 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am
After several failed attempts at relationships (total tally: 1 actually relationship and 3 almost-relationships) I’m happily engaged to a wonderful woman. Not quite sure how it happened. I guess we were on the right website at the right time.
We’ve been going out since December of ‘05, and I proposed to her last February. We’re trying to take things slow because neither one of us has much money. Plus marriage is something you do not want to rush. You may think you’ve struck gold when you first start going out, but then the little quirks suddenly appear. And since you’re committing the rest of your life with that person, you need to know if you can live with those quirks.
So bottom line: take your time and you’ll do fine.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:07 am
I’m single. I quite like it most of the time, but sometimes it is difficult to see so many of my friends settle down. I wonder whether I’ll ever find what they’ve got.
But mostly I don’t worry too much. It’ll work out somehow
September 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I can feel you on this. I came from a super small town where everyone married their high school loves right after we graduated. Um, whaaat?! I went away to college and didn’t marry until I was 26, which might still seem young to some people. However. I got everything out of my system early on - the partying, the random dating, the random guys, the traveling, the job, etc. I was ready when I was 26. I was extremely lucky to have found my husband. Do I some days miss being single? Of course. But I remember getting to a point where I felt empty some nights and the feeling of knowing my husband is there is a great one. That’s just me though. : )
September 18th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I just wrote about this two days ago!
My basic position is that there’s nothing inherently great about being in a relationship or bring single - quality of life has to do with where you are in life & who you are.
I’m 23 and getting married next week, & it’s perfect for where I am. I’m a home owner, have been a full time worker & student at the same time for three years, and have been with my fiancé for 4 years, living together for 3.5 years. I don’t think that’s right or wrong, it’s just me. Could we have waited 7 years for the wedding? Sure, but that doesn’t change our commitment level or our relationship, just our legal status.
One of my friends announced her engagement last week to a guy she’s known for a short time. Neither of them have ever worked, both live at home, both are what I consider serial monogamosts. That scared me to death! But everyone is thrilled for the wedding, and from what I can see no one seems to be thinking about the marriage or what they’re facing.
A wedding can be an awesome party, so I think that’s natural to be envious of, as is the idea of true love. But coming from a family with no relationships in tact I have no doubt that it’s a gamble based on a lot if hope.
I met my fiancé when I was
September 18th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
oops! Never mind the last line
September 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Don’t worry so much about finding your “soul mate” I thought I had found mine, and thought I knew this guy so much after dating for 8 years. We were only married for 2 years and it ended. Be patient, be careful, and make sure you go with open eyes. I am just telling you to not be jealous of these people, they will face troubles too, and if you wait the right one will come around and when that comes you know it was worth the wait!
September 18th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
I was 25 when I met the man I now call my husband. Im 27 and we have only been married for 4 months. I met him at Wal-Mart when I was in no way at all looking for a relationship. He started out being, just someone to talk to and maybe go to a movie with. Two years later, we’re married.
These things happen when the time is right. When the stars are all aligned, or whatever. And like you, yes I was also jealous of all the engaged, married, and new parents that were my graduating class. I was also the last one of all my friends to get married. They told me how much they envied my freedom, and I was determined to enjoy it. And I did. And I’m still enjoying these few short years before the big 3-0!
September 19th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I’m now 23 and am in the same situation as you - everyone I know is engaged or married! Planned pregnancies are even on the way. WHAT!
And I get jealous. Because they get to put up all these pretty pictures on facebook and they get to be with someone forever and get to plan a wedding and they get to buy a house and they get to, get to, get to.
Then I realize I have to step back and not worry so much. Because I get to do a lot, too! I get to travel the world. I get to continue my education. I get to be young and have fun.
I do have a serious boyfriend. A live-together serious boyfriend that began with 2am hook-ups the last month of my senior year of college. I tried to put it to an end. I was living in Cambodia and he in NY. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. But, it happened regardless. And that taught me not to run away from relationships too much. Just let them happen as they will.
(Are any of your friends getting divorced yet? Some of mine are!)
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 am
I think the one thing that struck me the quickest was when you commented “Why is everyone trying to rush things?” It used to be that people were getting married even younger than 22 and 23, and now the big change is that people are waiting much longer. So, really, the people aren’t rushing much- it’s how it used to be, and it probably just feels right to them.
I’ve been in a serious relationship for about 2 and a half years, and I’m moving in with him this week. I’m not planning a wedding or anything of that sort, but I’m also not ruling it out in the future. Yes, I’m young, and I do have a full life ahead of me- but why not be in a relationship while I live it?
While many marriages that start young don’t work out, neither do many marriages that start at much later ages. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong to this- it’s all about whenever it’s right for the individual.