No, I didn’t pull a Jamie Lynn Spears
If you read my blog, then you already know that I spend quite a bit of my time babysitting. I watch three little girls ages 4, 3, and 1, but spend the majority of the time with just the baby.
On a very regular basis, I take the baby with me on errands. She loves to get out of the house and I like to get things done. It works out well. However, nearly every time we are out in public I get looks from people who are judging me because they think I am a teenage mom.
This really irks me.
Yes, I know I look like I’m 17. I’m aware. And I know that the baby actually looks kind of like me so it would make sense that she was actually my kid. But it doesn’t matter how old I am or whether or not the baby is mine, when strangers give me “that look” when I walk by, it is ridiculously rude.
As you know, I’m 22. So even if the baby was mine, it is not like I was knocked up when I was a freshman in high school. In fact, as I mentioned in my last post, there are a lot of girls that I graduated with who have babies. It is not that uncommon. Don’t assume that just because I look young and have a baby on my hip, that I f’ed up my life and am currently “paying the consequences.” It’s none of your business anyway! (I’m talking to the strangers who give me looks, not you guys. I know that my wonderful readers would never judge me in the supermarket.)
What is even worse than the looks is when people come up to me and ask if the baby is mine. It goes something like this:
Rude woman: Awww, what a little sweetheart. How old is she?
Me: Eleven months
Rude woman: She’s really cute…. *hesitates*…. is she… yours?
I like to vary my answers to this question. Sometimes I say yes just to see how they react. I usually get a look of sorrow as if they are saying “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Or when I’m in an honest mood, I tell them no, she’s not mine. I’m just her babysitter. The stranger usually perks up here as if they are relieved, and says something like, “Oh that’s good. You look way too young to have a baby.”
F-OFF NOSY LADY! (I don’t actually scream this, but I want to.) You don’t know how young or old I am. Mind your own f’ing business. If she was mine, I would be utterly insulted that you automatically assume that my baby is a burden. You don’t know anything about me. Maybe I married my high school sweetheart and he was diagnosed with stage four cancer and only given two months to live and since he’s an only child, he wanted to have a baby so his poor mother can have a grandchild. Suck on that, biotch!
Okay, so I’m being dramatic. But seriously… I wish people would just keep their hoidenish judgments to themselves. Making unprecedented assumptions makes you look ignorant.
Does anyone judge you for looking young? If so, why? How do you deal with it?
September 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
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September 24th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I used to have the same problem when I was a nanny, except I had a 3 year old and a 6 year old. I was with the 3 year old constantly. I took him to the park, to this place called Hoppers House, everywhere, I used to get comments, and looks constantly. It’s hard to deal with, an it’s not anyone else’s business really.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
You NEED to tell the cancer story next time someone asks. Seriously.
I actually find it heinous how patronizing our society can be towards young mothers. Motherhood is supposed to be this big, beautiful goal, yet we look down on those who don’t do it the same way we would!
September 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I’ve never been in that same situation since I’m not so great with the little ones and haven’t really babysat since I was 15 or so… but. I did work at a golf course through college and until I was 23. I was the beer bitch, and I ALWAYS had the golfers (mostly the men) asking me where I went to high school or where I was going to college. When I alerted them that I was already out of COLLEGE for over a year, they looked super surprised. It was always a bit irritating, but I suppose… as I get older, it will be nice if people think I’m younger. I don’t get carded for booze nearly as much as I used to either.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I know the looks of which you speak. I nannied this past summer and anytime I had just the 3-year-old with me, I could feel people assuming he was mine. I also happen to look like I’m 17 so I could almost hear the people trying to do the math in their heads.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
i work for a global company and at 21, i am by far the youngest person employed by them.
most annoying question i am asked “ah, cozy little gig you scored. i assume your dad is in higher management?”
the response i want to give: no fucker, i’m just smart. and clearly have better people skills than you ever will.
response i sometimes give: “yes, blankityblank is my father” - blankityblank = president, who’s last name is part of the company name. they treat me a lot better when they assume i am his kin.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:26 am
i do sometimes feel like I’m deemed somehow incapable because i look young - but i guess in the end it just surprises people more when I prove myself then!
September 25th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I’ve always got the you look wayyy younger than you actually are thing. Like even now I still sometimes get 12,16…etc… I’m 23! Oh and having an actual baby? You should have seen the looks I got when I was waddling around preggo.
Even now, my boyfriend’s co workers ask (he’s 26) They all tell me I look wayyyy too young and ask me how old I am. I mean, what do they think, that my bf is robbing the craddle?
I think it will be even more interesting now since we’re going to have another baby and I’ll be preggo pushing a stroller. My family has been great though; they tell me I do way better with my son (he’s special needs) then they could have, especially as far as doctors are concerned (ie not letting them get away with crap like not being able to explain why they want to give him meds)
September 25th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Great post, I spent my whole 20s being told i was way too young for anything (babies, marriage, my job, buying booze) and now my 20s have passed me by because i though i was as well.
No way!
Now im heading into my 30s, i still look young (usually i get chatted up by 21 year olds, just call me Mrs Robinson) but i get the reverse (where is the baby etc)
Just because you look young doesnt mean you are mentally too young. Just tell these folk to worry about their own live not yours… and honey, you are gonna love it when you reach 30. I certainly do!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Yes. Have had the same awkward conversations about my baby cousins. But more maddening to me?
I get underestimated all the time at work because I’m young. So I let them underestimate me. Then when I crush them like bugs, I get the joy of seeing a look of utter shock wash over their faces.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I swear, if you don’t get married at 26 and have a baby at 28, people think you’re some kind of freak, regardless of what end of the spectrum you are on.
I would be tempted to say something really obnoxious, like “Yeah, I totally wanted to have a baby after I saw ‘Knocked Up’ and saw how, like, cool it is and stuff.” Or maybe, “No, I’m just part of a psychological study that is documenting the arseholish attitudes people have toward young mothers in our society.”
September 25th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
When I really was 16 I used to keep my nephew all the time. I took him everywhere with me. Being my nephew, the child has an uncanny resemblance to me. People would do the same thing. I always told them he was mine. Then when they’d give me that “You look so young, you poor thing” look I very happily asked “So how many grandkids do you have?”
I figure if they were going to insult me about my age, I’d insult them right back.
Probably not the nicest thing I ever did, but it sure made me feel better.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
i can sometimes pass for being a high schooler…but now that i’m getting older, i get upset when i don’t get carded.
*huff* “you’re telling me i look 21? how rude! i’ll be taking my drunkeness elsewhere, thank you”
…i’ll be 26 soon.
September 25th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Next time you should say, “No, of course this baby isn’t mine! It’s my kid sister’s.”
September 26th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m nearly 24.
And today? One of the college students I work with told me I look like I’m 12.
I was a little offended, espeically because I’ve spent SO long telling myself I finally looked older.
Boo.
(Also? I KNOW I’m going to get that young mother crap when I start having kids in a few years. I LOVE it when people think one of my baby cousins is mine. It’s kind of weird how happy it makes me, actually.)
September 30th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I think you should ask them if they have children, and then ask when they had them. I would bet that if they have kids, they had them young.
October 5th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
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