REJECTED.
Rejection is something that I do not handle very well at all. I take it personally. Really personally. Even when I know I shouldn’t. I recognize this about myself, but still can’t seem to get over it.
Rejection is something that you usually have to deal with a lot in your twenties and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Here are four examples.
Example #1: Employment Rejection.
I haven’t had a lot of experience with this, simply because I haven’t applied for many jobs that I had to compete for. But nonetheless, I like to think I’m a good interviewer, have a decent resume, and really great references. So if I was up for a job that I really wanted and felt that I was qualified for, I would be crushed if I didn’t get it. Then, I would probably overanalyze and dissect every little detail of the interview and bedevil myself over what could have possibly gone wrong for them to not want me as an employee. I wouldn’t be able to accept that someone else was simply more qualified. Oh no. I would assume that I didn’t get the job because of a character flaw. Obsess much? Yes, I do.
Example #2: “Friend” Rejection
This kind of rejection might be the worst of all. Why? Because it is impossible not to take it personally. When someone who you thought you were sort of friends with completely blows you off, it hurts. And then it hurts even more when they tell you that “you just aren’t the type of person I want to be friends with.” Oh really? What type of person am I? So now, just because I don’t kiss your ass everytime you walk into a room, I’m not a good friend? Or because when you ask me whether or not it’s a good idea to cheat on your boyfriend and I tell you “no, in fact it is not,” I’m not being supportive? Well screw you. (See what I mean? I get really worked up.) The problem is, I can have a million awesome friends but I will still dwell on the one or two people who do not like me. Most of the time I don’t like them either, but STILL. Why don’t they want to be my friend!? What is wrong with me!?
Example #3: Being Rejected By The Opposite Sex
This type of rejection has its own sub-catagories. First, being rejected by a complete stranger. So you’re at a bar and you’re trying to flirt with the cute guy standing next to you. He doesn’t seem interested and walks away. This I can get over quickly. He clearly doesn’t know what he’s missing. Second, being rejected by someone you already know and like. Have you ever had to have the “I’m falling for you” conversation with a good friend? It is scary enough just putting your feelings out there with someone you care about. But then, when they don’t feel the same way? Ouch. It takes every last bit of pride that you have to brush it off and just remain friends with that person. And even then, there will always be a dark cloud hanging overhead. An elephant in the room that will forever make you both a little uncomfortable. It feels a lot more personal when it is a good friend that doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, because they do know what they’re missing. They know you well, and they still don’t want to date you. Not a fun feeling. Third, being rejected by someone who supposedly loved you, aka being dumped. How can a person whom you experienced so much with, felt such strong feelings for, who was your other… just not want to be with you anymore? We all know how much this type of rejection sucks. There have been countless books, movies, poems, and I’m sure blog posts written about it. But once again, I do not handle it well. Not only do I cry and scream and beg, but I make that person feel like the most horrible human being on earth for doing “this” to me. Seriously. I make them cry for making me cry.
Example #4: Rejection from a School
Okay, so I haven’t had to deal with this yet. BUT, I am currenly awaiting my *hopefully* acceptance letter into my grad school of choice. They only accept 45% of applicants, so naturally I am feeling quite nervous about it. I really don’t know how I will react if they reject me, but I’d rather not find out. Cross your fingers for me.
So as you can see fellow twentysomethings, I do not handle any of these types of rejection well. What I want to know is, how do YOU handle being rejected? Tell me a story.
(Oh, and please check out the new discussion forum that I set up for you guys. Cool, thanks.)
October 1st, 2008 at 3:52 am
Unfortunately, I don’t. I’m terrible at rejection. Fortunately, so far I haven’t really experienced it in a big way… But when I’ve missed out on jobs, I have run through EVERY little bit of the interview, pinpointing what I did wrong. It’s tough.
Sorry, that wasn’t very helpful. I am a champion at ‘taking it personally when I know I shouldn’t’ so I’m looking forward to the other comments…
October 1st, 2008 at 4:20 am
Welcome to the overanalyzing club.
I have actually developed the defense of backing the hell away at the slightest sniff of rejection… not sure if it is a good thing or not.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I know exactly what you mean. After every rejection, I go over each thing that happened before to try to figure out what went wrong. The only good thing is that I learn from them.
The most annoying rejections are when I have no idea why they occurred. Those instances usually fester in my brain. Thankfully, those also make me want to work even harder and get something better.
October 1st, 2008 at 2:27 pm
It kinda worries me that I’ve experienced every type of rejection you mention here! And yet the only thing it’s made me do as a result is stop putting myself out there as much . . . .
October 1st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
What school and what program are you applying to that has that acceptance rate? It’s actuall y pretty high, compared to the ones I’ve been looking at! You’ll do great.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:50 pm
In late May and early June, a huge management meeting was called. Hotel rooms were booked, even for us local folks. A meeting to last two full days, with a liquor soaked dinner in between. It was *the* business event of the year. That’s saying something, considering that we were acquired at the beginning of the year, and we had a formal dinner to celebrate.
The Finance Department realized that this meeting, which was planned by Marketing (it’s always those damn Marketing people!) was scheduled during the month end closing. They tried to get it moved. They were denied. My boss at the time said that she could not perform her closing if she was in all day meetings. I had developed a plan to do both, and easily. Her boss is the General Manager of Our Division, and he said that if she couldn’t go, that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to attend without her. Even though she gave me her blessing.
I cried. I begged, which is incredibly dangerous at my level. I stewed. I complained to anyone who would listen. You would have thought I was being canned. I cried all day long for the two days that the meetings were held. I refused to look at the pictures. To this day, when someone makes reference to that meeting, I cut them off to remind them that “I was not allowed to attend”.
You are not alone.
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:08 am
Well it is good to know that I am not the only one who is bad at dealing with rejection.
Angela… I applied to DePaul. The school itself isn’t that difficult to get into, but the program I want is pretty popular so they are selective.
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
I don’t think I handle rejection well at all… a whole lot of questions that all sound like …”what’s wrong with me”… After a while of that, I can come to a place that resembles zen and think “it wasn’t meant to be” or “that person/place etc doesn’t know what they’re missing”…but in all honestly that “I suck” voice still screams loud and clear for a while each time I feel rejected.
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I’m still heartbroken over a job I interviewed for a few months ago. The guy I interviewed with told me that there were 2 candidates, so I was the only loser… Plus, I know I would have totally kicked ass at it.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Rejection is hard, it feels bad no matter who you are or how much experience you have or how old you are. Actors (I was one once) go through it day in and day out - and so, if they’re going to stay in the industry, they learn how to deal with it and not take it personally. Some actors have high-self esteem and confidence, and some are so unassuming and insecure you can’t believe they could be successful, but they are - and the same in business, the arts, school, love.
For me - it’s not so important what goes on for us during a “rejection” but what goes on for us through the rest of our lives - whether we live in anticipation of “rejection” - either by feeling a low level of dread all the time, or a bold, brazen, cover-up hard shell just “in case” rejection should show up.
And from here, way older than you - I can tell you that the things that don’t work out are often the things that later turn into something fantastic when you least expect it - as long as you keep walking the trail to what you really want. Just keep following the dream that’s as incredible as you can imagine, and don’t worry about what “look like” setbacks along the way.
I’ve reinvented myself so many times I’ve lost count - and now I make an amazing living at one of the things you’re not supposed to make a good living at - a writer of books on the philosophy of relationships. (I got the great marriage, too - after I’d all but given up - and so have many of my clients…) - so I know (if you’ve got what it takes to put up this blog, you’ve got what it takes in everything…) you’re going to be terrifically successful at everything. Thank you for the wonderful posts, Sincerely, Rori
October 29th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
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