Pirates and Whores
I wrote this last year but I feel like I need to share this again with Halloween fast approaching. Please read it. Together we can de-skankify this glorious holiday.
Dear Everyone who is planning on dressing up for Halloween this year,
Let me preface this by saying I love Halloween. I do. I think it’s my theater background, but the idea of searching for the perfect costume leaves me feeling drunk with happiness. I purposely accidentally kept the keys to the costume department of my old job and plan on spending a lovely Saturday searching for my perfect costume.
The last couple of years I’ve been a Ninja Turtle (complete with nun chucks), paper bag princess, Ashley Olsen (Trout was Mary-Kate), a member of the three little pigs (my house was the house of straw) and part of a band of pirates- complete with stuffed parrot on my shoulder who was affectionately named Vladimir.
I take Halloween seriously.
So it’s with much love and respect that I come to you all with this plea: Can we all bypass going out this year dressed in our bras and calling it a costume? My heart sinks when I enter a room and find myself surrounded by groups of girls dressed in nothing more than a bra and panties, with the truly ‘creative’ girls adding wings. Adding wings when you are 97% naked doesn’t turn your outfit into something. Really. I promise. It just makes you the girl in your bra wearing wings.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that Halloween is about expression. It’s about taking chances, finding something that sets you apart, taking a risk. And for some of you, maybe ‘taking a risk’ implies leaving your pants at home (and for some of you sadly, it does not). But I want you to know, that when it’s your third Halloween wearing the plastic bra and fishnets, you are no longer taking a risk. If you truly believe that Halloween is about expression, take a real risk and put more clothes on. Be something (or someone) unexpected. Because going out dressed like a member of *”ho train” doesn’t show me that you’ve put any thought into your costume. In fact, it just makes me think that your house burnt down, you have no friends to lend you clothes and you’ve showed up almost naked hoping someone will give you a shirt to put on.
And if I run into you while you stand there in your push up bra and and fishnets and ask you what you are (because I will do that- seeing the panic in your eyes and you try to think of what to call yourself is one of my Halloween highlights), at least have something prepared- calling yourself a whore in a roomful of similarly dressed girls isn’t original. Call yourself a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue girl. Then you will at least have admiration, but not my respect.
I save that for the group of girls who dress up like garden peas with bruised eyes and call themselves “The Black-Eyed Peas”.
I told you I take Halloween seriously.
A spirited plea,
brandy
* I had a very good friend dress up as a member of Satan’s ho train one year. It made me reconsider our friend status. I’m as serious as a heart attack.
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm
[...] Brandy wrote an interesting post today onPirates and WhoresHere’s a quick excerptAdding wings when you are 97% naked doesn’t turn your outfit into something. Really. I promise. It just makes you the girl in your bra wearing wings. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that Halloween is about expression. … [...]
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:50 pm
I remember this post! Did I ever tell you that your Paperbag Princess advice made for my best Halloween costume ever?
My favourite is sexifying the most ridiculous of things… sexy hockey player girl? Really?
October 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Have you heard that Jill Sobule Halloween costume song? You should Google it.
October 23rd, 2008 at 12:03 am
AMEN.
Last year, I saw a girl dressed as a sexy Renaissance princess, and it blew my mind. She had a pointy princess hat with the floaty veil, and a the Elizabethan neck ruffle…and leg. A lot of leg. Possibly wearing fishnets. It was a confusing costume, to say the least.
This year I am thinking of going as a “real” Catholic school girl. She wears a lot of eye makeup, but also puts up her un-shampooed hair in a messy bun every day. There is probably a spare pen stuck in the bun somewhere. She rolled her skirt but is also wearing flannel pajama pants underneath it. Et cetera. I was actually a real-life Catholic school girl back in the day, so this is a character I know well.
Problem is, I can’t decide if it’s stupid or clever. But at least I know it’ll be warm and comfy.
October 23rd, 2008 at 3:20 am
It just makes me think of that scene in “Mean Girls”, where one of Lindsay Lohan’s friends dresses as a mouse . . . in underwear. Hmmm.
October 23rd, 2008 at 7:59 am
Working at the Halloween store I get to see all of the idiotic costume decisions people make. It seriously hurts to watch these girls put on some of the costumes and think they look cute. On the other hand, a couple of days ago a girl came who works for Hooter’s and they’re making it mandatory for them to dress up and she went for a tasteful costume. It blew my mind.
October 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 am
I remember the only time I dressed at least somewhat sexy was when my friends all dressed up as Guns and Roses. I was the groupie. And I felt completely unoriginal in a group of original costumes. It sucked. In a complete turnaround, a few years ago I dressed up as a stereotypical geek. I had buddy holly glasses with white tape, suspenders, the whole bit. And at the bar I felt so invisible and unattractive compared to all the sexified costumes. In hindsight I wish I would have enjoyed my cute costume more.
This year I imagine no one will figure out my costume, but I’m thinking of going as a ‘cat burglar’, with the requisite all black attire, maybe a flashlight, a hat, but also ears and whiskers. It’s not all that original, but I was going for easy and I like the play on words.
October 23rd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I so hear this. Mister was at work the other day and one of his co-workers actually said “Halloween is my favourite holiday because I can dress like a slut and no one says anything about making me go home.”
Please excuse me, but DID YOUR PARENTS NOT LOVE YOU ENOUGH AS A CHILD??? What is the friggen deal?!
October 23rd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
AMEN.
I went to the costume shop the other day to try and find a tiara for my Audrey Hepburn costume. No tiaras, but every slutty costume on the face of the earth. Sick.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Thank you!
This year I’ll be Sid Vicious for Halloween. Last year I was Joey Ramone. Notice a pattern?
October 24th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
ahh i totally agree! ugh, i hate the dumb bitches that wear practically nothing and call it a costume.
it’s like uhh what are you for halloween? slutty!? hmm, not a costume hun, youre pretty much being yourself.
i’m going to a halloween party tonight at my friends house and there are sure to be a lot of freshmen girls. im not looking forward to it.
October 24th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/10/five-star-friday-edition-29.html
October 27th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
[...] Pirates and Whores [...]
October 27th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
[...] Pirates and Whores [...]
October 27th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
[...] Pirates and Whores [...]
October 27th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
[...] Pirates and Whores [...]
November 1st, 2008 at 3:57 pm
[...] Pirates and Whores [...]
November 5th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
nativity figurines…
Yes…
October 10th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Gr8 post! i know you can find more.. @ http://flirtycams.org
March 28th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Awesome website, thanks for the info.