Welcome to the real world she said to me
“Welcome to the real world she said to me,” is my mother’s favorite retort to my hemming and hawing about my life and the suckiness of paying bills and making decisions and being a Contributing Member to Society.
She never remembers that the very next word of that song is “condescendingly.”
Sigh.
But this is not about my mother and her condescending lyrical responses. This is about the Real World. Not the first reality television show (does anyone else find it annoying that Survivor often gets billed as such?) The real Real World, the big one, outside, where people go to work and have mortgages, and health insurance and jobs that require a degree. The Real World that a lot of you currently reside in (Look! Real World inhabitants in their natural habitat! Scientists have recently discovered that most of these inhabitants have two work-free days a week! They call this anomaly a “weekend.” Oooo. Ahhhh!)
This post is about my love-hate relationship with the Real World.
See me, well I’m Shaba, and I take up valuable internet space blogging about my life as a graduate student at A Blog of Her Own. Yup. I’m delaying the Real World by collecting expensive pieces of paper. As I tie off the end of my MBA (May 17th! May 17th! May 17th! The end of weekend classes!) I’m also starting to fill out Ph.D. applications. Yes. More school.
I think.
Therein lies my problem. I do want to get my Ph.D., I want to spend my time learning shit I actually care about (I’m glaring at you Finance/Econ/Statistics), I want to try my hand at teaching freshies Women’s Studies 101, I want to be able to call myself a Doctor. I want to continue to learn while I’m still in student mode; I know how hard it is to go back after spending some time in the Real World. But…I’m a little burnt out. I’ve been in school, full time, year-round, since I graduated high school. That’s 5 years without a break. And a Ph.D. program will probably take me another 5. Another five years of avoiding the Real World. Another five years of papers and exams and over priced text books. Another five years of living on a student’s salary. Another five years in a long distance relationship. Another. Five. Years.
Thinking that way, the perks of the Real World (a mere 8-10 hour work day?! Money?! A Routine that doesn’t include multi-tasking every minute of my day?!) are alluring. Especially given my extreme desire to move forward in my romantic relationship. (Did I mention it’s long distance? And that it’d be an even longer distance if I continue my schooling? Yea. Not fun.)
So, umm…now what?
Well, right now, I’m playing it by ear. First I have to get accepted somewhere before I’ll even know if I have to worry about this, but granted I receive a shiny happy acceptance letter (or four), I have some tough decisions to make.
Have any of you dealt with this kind of decision already? What did you decide? Those of you in a Ph.D. or Master’s program, do you feel you made the right choice for you? Why? Those of you in the Real World, how is it? Is it ok out there? Is it real or is there really “just a lie you’ve got to rise above?”
Thanks, Internets. You’re the best.
November 8th, 2008 at 4:53 am
I don’t envy the choice you have to make thats for sure. One of the counseling courses I had taken before my doing my masters was run by a therapist who was who was 60 years old. She had started her psychology degree at 40 (undergraduate) and gone all the way to a PhD.She told me that there is time to do everything.And that there wasn’t always only one way of doing things.
So I wonder could you do your PhD part time? Or could you delay it for a couple of years, go out there into the real world and give your relationship a nice break from distance and see how you like it all?
November 8th, 2008 at 7:57 am
My flatmate is currently doing a masters in HR while juggling a full time job and, while ultimately it is going to help her get a far better job, I don’t envy her the hell she has been through the last year. She had no time for anything, was constantly skint and stressed out - she knows it is going to be worth it in the end, but right now she just wants it all over and done with!
November 8th, 2008 at 9:12 am
[...] Over thata-way. [...]
November 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I’m a semi-long distance relationship with my husband right now due to school. I say semi because he’s only about 5 hours away, so we can still see each other on the weekends. It’s still really hard though.
I had a really hard time with my decision to pursue my Master’s and be away from him for a few years (my program is 2 1/2 years, includes a post-bac year and then I need to apply for grad school). I hummed and hawed about it for a long time. And then I felt supremely guilty. Now I’m doing a little better, but it’s still often pretty rough.
But we decided together that I should go for it. We have a goal in our minds of how we want our lives to be and this career that I’m pursuing might possibly (hopefully) make it easier to reach those goals in a shorter period of time. There were other ways to reach those goals (I could have chosen a different career), but this was something that I was interested in. So we made a decision and hopefully it works out for the best. Good luck to you! I know long distance is sometimes crappy, but it can be done.
November 8th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I’m currently applying to Masters programs, and though things might change, I see myself going straight to a PhD program after that. The real world? What is the real world?
November 8th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Ahh, I know the worries and frustrations that you speak of! I’ve always wanted to get my masters but the cost of it all just overwhelmed me. I’m one of those people who could be a permanent student, I like school that much. If only I could figure out a way to do ALL OF IT for free. Fingers crossed that you get accepted some place wonderful!
November 9th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I’ve been struggling with that too, about my masters. For my position I don’t need a masters to advance, I can work hard and train outside of grad school. My work is offering to invest training in me and wants me to end up in one of the senior management positions, and to me that’s pretty appealing.
For me, working is harder than school because I have to set my own goals and measure my success for myself - but I’m happy with that, even if it’s a struggle sometimes.
I’m not sure if you’ve taught before, but in all the universities I know, you can teach with an MBA - why not try teaching now and see how you like it? Even just for a year. I have a few friends with Masters Degrees who are teaching, some love it and some hate it. Some have stopped teaching already.
If you can get a taste of what you’re heading into without waiting 5 years to do it, that could be a move that’s easier on your relationship & that calms down the questioning for your career.
November 9th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
When I first got out of school, my dad would give me his, “It’s tough to be an adult,” lecture every time I saw him. The thing is, though, I love being an adult. Sure, there are months when adult things suck…but there are a lot of really great things about the real world…my house, my job, being able to take care of myself.
I got my Master’s degree immediately following my undergrad. For me, the choice was easy. My University wanted me to stay on, they were paying for my Master’s, and as a teacher it would mean significantly more money when I did get a job.
I do want to do back and get my Ph.D. someday, but no program worth anything will let you get a Ph.D. in education without real world experience. Now that I have that, it’s all about the timing and finding the right place to go.
November 9th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I’m one of those people who won’t hit the real world for a few more years. I took one year off between my undergrad and Masters, but as most people know, that “year off” is anything but– working two jobs, applying for grants, and busting my butt to get into grad school.
I’m now somewhat near the end of my PhD in clinical psychology. I have been in post secondary education for nearly 9 years. Although I’m glad I did it, and I am truly passionate about what I do… sometimes I wish I hadn’t been in such a hurry. I get jealous of my friends who own places, who have travelled, etc, etc– 9 years of tuition have meant that I still don’t own my first car!
November 12th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Taking some time off from school was one of the best things I did. Somehow, during that time, my true passions came out as I realized that I most certainly could not do THIS (current job) for the rest of my life.
And now, I’m ready to get back to school and have such a passion for it that I know I will be successful. It’s a wonderful feeling to just want to LEARN and a feeling I don’t think I have really experienced before.
Being in the real world made me realize that I want to do more and achieve more…and I finally have a heart ready to commit to it!!
December 4th, 2008 at 12:58 am
I totally agree with 9 and 10. I started a Master’s program immediately after undergrad and ended up dropping out towards the end of the first semester. I continued to make a series of bad choices, ultimately leading me back to graduate school. I am in my last two weeks of my (again) first semester and have never enjoyed school more! I plan on going on to earn a Ph.D. I am already starting to feel like #9 above: My friends from undergrad are already getting married and some have started having children. Yet I am so busy with my education and working that I don’t have time to meet anyone, let alone have a serious relationship. I definitely long for a house of my own, a husband and children….