The Dreaded Schedule
This week’s guest post is by Just Jinny over at A Real Girl in the Real World.
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There seems to be a certain schedule that young people are being held to. It isn’t written anywhere, or blatantly talked about. Just a general consensus that is often hinted at, sometimes in a very obvious manner. It seems this schedule begins sometime around high school graduation. College, Marriage, Children. Did you hear that? College, Marriage, Children. It’s like a chant, in the background of our lives. College! Marriage! Children! Who said that?!
Most people, often of the parental persuasion, want to hold us to this schedule. It is just the way of things. Or so they want us to believe. But, what if you don’t want to follow that schedule? What if real life happens and you veer off that schedule, temporarily or..heaven forbid, get the smelling salts of Momma…for good?
Let me tell you how MY schedule went. I graduated from high school and went right into college. I did that for about a semester and didn’t register for a second. My Mom told me in no uncertain terms what she thought about that decision. I moved in with my boyfriend. I’ve already, basically, discounted two of the three events on ‘the schedule’ *gasp*. I didn’t finish college and I wasn’t married to my boyfriend. Ok so, I did eventually marry my boyfriend. And several years after that I did earn an Associates degree. Is it exactly finishing college? No, but hey, it’s better than nothing. Now, the children situation. My husband and I have been married for nearly nine years and we have no children. It has not been by choice, it just hasn’t happened yet. What if it never happens? That would mean canceling one event on that schedule all together…oh no!*cringes with hands over her eyes* Did the world end? No? *removes hands from eyes* Shew! Ok, good.
Listen, I consider myself to be a successful person. I have a great marriage. I own my home. We have nice things. I have a good job. Does it really matter that I didn’t follow ‘the schedule’? Not to me it doesn’t. We are who we are, college degree or none…children or no children. So, do things on your own time…on YOUR schedule. Sure, you are going to have to put up with a lot of ‘How much longer until you graduate?’ and ‘When are you getting married?’ AND ‘Don’t you want to have kids soon?’ Trust me though, in the end, it will result in a happier you. Because really you are the only one living your life.
November 15th, 2008 at 2:26 am
[...] Continued [...]
November 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
What *really* bothers me about this timeline is that it’s the only valid narrative people will accept - and because of that when you have done even some of those thing the way you’re perceived is that it’s all over for you.
Marriage or children is where most romantic novels and movies ‘resolve’ themselves. The key difference is that I’m not a character in a novel!!
Since Mister and I got married over 10 people I know really well have said to me “So! That’s it huh? All the excitement is done until you have kids!”. It’s crazy. My wedding was fun, but it was another day in my life - it was a party we planned over the summer.
Blows my mind.
November 16th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Amen. And if you want to be a corporate-ladder-climbing, high powered career woman? Do it. If you want to be a full-time, dinner on the table, soccer mom, DO IT. If you want to be a drifter, hippie, singer, writer, explorer, or adventurer, DO IT.
Loved this post, very true, and a great reminder that we do not have to follow the cookie cutter life that’s been laid out for us. Unless we want to, but that is our choice
November 17th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
I love schedules! I love spreadsheets with timelines and neatly organized charts of time! However, I just walked in from attending a friend’s bridal shower. And if I had a crockpot for every time I was asked, “When will we be having yours?” I would be able to bring more food to the next potluck than the bride would. Here’s the icing on the cake: I’m not even dating anyone. I’m just 2 1/2 years out of college and apparently running very late for my next appointment.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I did the college thing and I finished. Now I’m sort of expected to do the graduate thing but I just don’t have it in me. At least, not in the immediate future. I’m doing the live-in boyfriend thing but not sure where to go to from here.