Who do you think you are?
Remember last week when I asked you to tell me what’s one thing you wished people would realize about you?
There was a reason.
I’ve been finding myself having conversations with people who have made assumptions on the kind of person I am. Obviously they aren’t assuming the worst of me, nor is the motivation behind their views malicious- but their assumptions are simply grounded in the foundation where all assumptions are laid- they simply don’t know about me, so they guess.
They predict my behavior based on scraps of conversation and words I’ve written. They guess who I am based on the evidence that’s available to them- evidence I’ve given them. Evidence that leads them to believe that I’m something that’s so completely different from what I am.
They assume that I’m not the kind of girl who would backpack Europe, that I’m more likely to take luggage and stay in a hotel. They assume that my favourite Friday nights are spent in loud clubs with cute guys, rather than the truth- I’d much rather hit up a quick pub with good friends. (And you know.. cute guys). They assume that I read chick lit, but don’t assume that I read Thomas Friedman. They assume- and their assumptions have bothered me more than I would have thought.
Is it because I’m worried that I project something that I’m not? Is it because I’m worried that I care so much what other people think? Is it because I don’t understand what about me implies that I’m not a girl who reads a book unless there’s a picture of a shoe on the cover?
These types of moments, these chances to reflect, leave me thinking about the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be known as. It’s important to me that people know that I value friends over men, pubs over clubs, backpacks over luggage. I’m not saying one is better, but for me- one just fits better with who I am. And as silly as it sounds, I want people to know that.
November 20th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Oh, it doesn’t sound silly.
I’m really glad you wrote about this; I feel the same way. Pretty much exactly.
And, if it makes you feel any better, I’m one of those people who has worked hard to remove the habit of assuming. “Innocent until proven guilty,” I suppose. I don’t believe something as fact about you until you provide proof for it.
=] I hope that helps.
-Haley Faye
November 20th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Not silly at all!!!
Everyone projects an image, and sometimes what we do or say even if it contributes to 0.01% of our personality can be assumed by an outsider as 90%. And in that lies the phrase ‘eye of the beholder’.
People pick what they want to pick, and something it is soo contrary to the truth. Yet, its how the world works. Personally, I may feel it important that my ‘close friends’ know who and what I am about. The rest, well, they can assume what they want. They shouldnt impact your life, I know its easier said than done, but it happens in time.
Also, I think once you do the things you say you want to do - backpacking over Europe, or head to the pub, or say or do things that make your friends feel valued, they may change. And if they dont, then its their prob not yours, you know who you are and what you like and you should value that. Many don’t have that figured out yet!
So go for it, and if ever you need a backpacking buddy, call on me!
PS: Sorry about the lonnnnng comment.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
A person getting a shallow first impression of you sometimes reflects more on the person getting the impression (impression-or?) than it does on you (the impression-ee).
I think it’s easier for a lot of people to think that pretty, successful, smart women in their twenties are shallow on the inside. It is probably pretty intimidating for a lot of people to think about all of that massive brainpower ready to take on the world.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
I completely 100% get you on this. People make all these assumptions about me and then are always shocked when they find out the real me. I hate that I give off this vibe that I’m standoffish, that I’m too girly to ever backpack europe (like you, everyone’s shocked when they hear that i’m doing the whole hostel thing for ten days with just a backpack), etc etc etc.
I don’t know why assumptions bother us so much, maybe because they’re not true and, at least for me, feel that if people are getting the wrong impression of me, maybe i’m projecting myself falsely? (if that makes any sense)
November 20th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
brandy, you’re so lovely.
and i completely know what you mean. it’s frustrating. and then i deal with having the label of a ‘lesbian’ thrown in there because i have a girlfriend. it pisses me off that one aspect of my life can define me so much. i am the farthest thing from being typically gay, and as much as i love, and will always love my girlfriend, i don’t want the fact that i HAVE a girlfriend to be front and center. there is so much more to me than that.
November 20th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
i always wonder what people assume of me based on what i choose to share (or not). it’s interesting to think about, but also, sometimes? a little scary too.
November 20th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
I hear you and I sympathize. I’m not sure what people’s stereotypes are about me, but I’m sure they are equally off the mark as yours were about you.
November 20th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I know how you feel. We want to not care, but we also want our authentic selves to be known. Being misunderstood is not something us humans take well.
November 24th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Oh yes! It is also so frustrating to feel like you have to point out these mistakes over and over again, when you just wish you could let it slide and let people figure it out on their own. My boyfriend has a friend who has decided I am jealous simply because of a joke told when we first started dating. It has been more than two years, and I honestly am one of the most relaxed girlfriends ever, yet this guy still seems to think I am super uptight!!