Matrimony Madness

I posted this on my blog a few days ago– but it seemed too perfect in scope not to post here, too!

Perhaps by virtue of our Canadian and career-ist nature, the bulk of my friends did not rush into wedded bliss right after high school. Sure, there was the one couple who married essentially when the clock struck 12 on his 18th birthday (did I mention that I took his french kissing virginity behind the portable in high school? Oooooh yeah!), and there have been a few weddings trickling in every summer.

… until now.

Somehow, as my official entrance to my late 20s rapidly approaches (one week, but who’s counting? And am I right in considering 27 the official transition from mid- to -late 20s? Or am I the only neurotic who parses things up so precisely?)  (And how many brackets can I use in one post?), there has been a veritable explosion of weddings in my close friend network. At a recent gathering, one friend and I looked around, and suddenly realized we’d became the minority in a real hurry.

Now, to be fair, I realize that as a cohabitator, I don’t get nearly the amount of flack as my single counterparts do. But, still, bear with me on this one.

One of my best friends in the whole wide world is getting married, and, as such, I find myself playing bridesmaid for the first time. Tonight was the first of my maidly duties before her big day– a year and a half away. The Duke was shocked when he heard that the tasks were starting so early. I told him he didn’t know the half of the fierce bridal competition in this city.However, my friend has a particular challenge in her planning– a very Italian set of in-laws, which means a hugely elaborate ceremony and a 7 course meal to her most distant of relatives, all to the tune of fifty thousand plus. 

So, this evening, the bride, her future mother-in-law, another bridesmaid and I made our way to a potential wedding venue. As we walked up the stairs, the other bridesmaid, who is getting married this summer, pulled out two pages of questions. And I realized all I could think of to ask was “How much does it cost?” and “Do we have to clean it?”

I was confronted with all sorts of minute details I had never considered.

Are chair coverings included?

What about liability insurance?

When can the caterers come in?

Are open flamed candles allowed?

 Are any particular decorating companies banned? (One of my only questions was “What on earth can a decorating company do to get banned?”)

As they discussed the area behind the head table, the hostess spoke about the type of drapes usually hung there, and the other girls giggled at my cluelessness over the lingo.

The two brides-to-be spoke of a wedding show, and how there was a contest for a hundred thousand dollar wedding.”I don’t even know how I could spend that much on a wedding,” I mused.”I would totally have it at random-garble-of-Spanish-words” said bride-to-be #1.”What is random-garble-of-Spanish-words’?” I asked.Bride-to-be #2 laughed and jokingly patted me on the head, as I shrugged. “Oh, Princess, you still have so much to learn!”(apparently it is the place to get married here, some sort of grand castle, fyi)
As we bid the hostess, a newlywed herself, adieu, she said to the brides “Good luck on your weddings” and then, to me, “And maybe you’ll have one to plan soon, too!”

Did I mention that another friend, along with these already discussed two, asked me today if I saw a proposal coming soon? And even my friend’s husbands and fiances are asking him? And my friends are planning which of us unmarried couples should be logically next in line, given our relationship length? (The Duke actually gets a get out of jail free card on this one, as another close friend of mine is has been with her anti-commitment boyfriend for four years now, and it would be terribly rude to get married before them, now, wouldn’t it?)

To be clear, it is not that I don’t want to get married. Just not right now. I’m still giddily happy in the first year of living together. Why hurry to change that? Besides, a PhD is one demanding mistress.
Besides, what do I know about chair covers and boutonnieres?

4 Responses to “Matrimony Madness”

  1. Kyla Bea says:

    I’m so happy that I got married without worrying about those things. I was definitely not cut out to be a bride!

  2. Jamie says:

    I totally agree. I’m turning 27 in a little over two weeks (I’m kind of freaking out but kind of excited!) and as I’m catching up with friends on facebook from high school, I’m finding more often than not, they’re married! Or planning their weddings! I feel like the giant minority here, being single with no wedding on the immediate horizon…

  3. Nora says:

    Found your blog courtesy of my google reader recommendations!
    If it makes you feel better, I’ve been a bridesmaid eight times and have been involved in nearly everyone of them… a lot! I would not have had a two page list of questions to ask either :) And I’m right there with you regarding the marriage thing. I’m working on my masters (I know it’s no PhD) but it’s demanding! I’ll definitely be back to read your blog again :)

  4. learn to speek spanish says:

    learn to speek spanish…

    [...]Umm… Now what? » Blog Archive » Matrimony Madness[...]…

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