So this is the New Year

And I don’t feel any different.

These lyrics always seem to get stuck on my internal monologue’s repeat this time of year.

Every year, I always expect there to be a little spark of something when the clock strikes that fateful second of midnight, just as I do when the clock hits 7:35am on my birthday- as though I would be able to tell that something had changed, even if the second hand hadn’t told me so. Of course, despite this over-thinking, it never does really feel that markedly different.

But, still, even though I don’t feel suddenly mature at 7:35, even though 2009 doesn’t thus far have a vastly different essence than 2008, these changes still force some sort of reflection. And so, I find myself flipping through my writings from the past 12 months, trying to grasp some sort of theme of 2008, or figure out what it is that I will remember from the year.

It is in this same spirit that the infamous New Years resolutions come about. Despite the calendar year being arguably arbitrary as a category in one’s life, it is hard not to consider what you didn’t like over the most recent go round. I also have a theory that the holidays, despite their pretty wrapping and claims that they make you remember what you are thankful for, also often remind you of those old patterns you really do need to shake, be it simple overindulgence or patterns of interaction with your family.

Yeah, it is kind of sad that we need a frivolous reason to better ourselves. It is true that we should be more self-aware throughout the year. But, at the same time, should we necessarily be ignoring these aspects of ourselves we want to improve out of spite for the silliness of this tradition?

I don’t believe in the formality of quantified resolutions. I think setting absolute lines is an equation for failure, as it makes success so a black and white. So, while I have some goals I would like to accomplish this year, I’m not going to assign myself a certain number to reach.

So, while I want to lose some weight and get into better shape, I’m not putting a pound number or a calorie number or a number of days of the week onto it. This way, I haven’t failed if I miss a few days or the scale isn’t as nice to me as I’d like. (And, yes, I got back to the gym today for the first time in 4 months– though I slipped and fell on my ass in the change room. Damn snowy boots. Not quite the fresh start I was looking for.)

What else do I want for 2009?

I would like to break myself away from my prescribed role as the family skeptic, and let my parents do the concerned parenting bit, rather than me.

I would like to learn more about the technical side of photography.

I would like to finally go on the big holiday we have been talking about in vague terms for the past year.

I would like to submit some kick ass internship applications this fall.

I would like to stack my CV a little more.

I would like to read for fun more.

I would like to speak in French more frequently.

I would like to stop worrying about pleasing others more than myself.

I would like to master some new recipes.

What would you like to see for yourself in 2009?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 at 12:12 am and is filed under Princess sayz, holidays vs holidaze, life changes, lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.