To tell or not to tell…
Technology is our lives.
Even our dating lives. Don’t act like you have never googled the person you are going out with. If you say you haven’t it would be a fucking lie. I know better. I’m a guy and I do it.
Maybe we want to dig up some dirt on the person, maybe we just want to make sure they aren’t in the witness relocation program. Either way, we google them to find the dirt. Hoping that we can read about their secrets online. We check facebook or myspace to see if they have a profile. When we find them on there, we’re usually pissed when we find out their profle is locked to “private” and we cant see if there are any pics with them with their ex’s.
Undeniably, we can all be found on some kind of social network and everyone is bound to find us sooner or later. We can only hope someone doesn’t find something out about us that is incriminating. I guess this holds especially true when it comes to people finding my blog. You see, I don’t really want anyone to find my blog and read about everything that is gong on in my life, or everything I think about. Especially if I am just getting to know someone. Sometimes I am way too honest on my blog and I would hate for someone to start reading it and come up with all these pre-conceived notions about who I am based on my writings.
Or maybe its a good thing? Maybe I should provide a link for all prospects, that way, they know exactly what they are getting into? They would definitely learn alot about me, thats for sure. If by chance, they don’t google you, at what point is it acceptable to tell them about your blog?
I think it’s wrong to have all these ties online that your significant other knows nothing about. So when exactly is the right time to tell them? How do you tell them? Do you just send them a link one day in an anonymous email and hope that they are still interested?
What do you think? If you’re sreious about someone, they have a right to know, right?
January 11th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
[...] dont forget I am posting at Umm… Now What? on Mondays, so go over there and read that post as [...]
January 11th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
I bet if Joe Fox had a blog, he would NEVER tell Kathleen about it. And that is the problem I have with Joe Fox. Also, I want to make sure that I got that… YOU GOOGLED GIRLS BEFORE?
Man. Today is a good day for an emoticon isn’t?
January 11th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I always google people. I even google people that I randomly meet.
OH and I googled my bf’s boyfriend and found his blog and it was NOT GOOD. I mean it wasn’t horrible, but he took a picture of these twins (not hot) that he met at the airport and wrote the caption as “hot ass twins I met while flying to omaha”.
Stupid, stupid boy.
I’m not sure if I’d tell someone about my blog– I guess it depends on what type of person they are. I guess I shouldn’t be dating anyone that wouldn’t understand, but It’d have to be someone I could trust enough to not read it if I asked them not to.
And i’m making no sense. I think you get what I’m trying to say.
January 11th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
I would not tell someone I was dating about my blog.
January 11th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Okay, I’m back because I was thinking about this. And you know, I think I would be that person who told the guy about the blog right away. I think it just makes it easier in the long run. If you say it right away, then you never have to worry about a ‘right time’ later on.
January 11th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Weeeird that you wrote about this today. I was just talking to my bf about whether I should tell the guy I’m seeing about MY blog. Conclusion: not yet, it’s too soon to have him all up in my head, my heart (which is how I feel about my writing. It’s a pretty personal thing for me.) But I will tell him, eventually
January 11th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I was with AB before I started the blog. And didn’t tell him about it at first because:
1. I was 99% sure he wouldn’t care.
2. I was 137% positive he would make fun of me for it.
3. He’d never even be bothered to read it.
But once I realized he was coming up frequently in my posts, and not just in passing, I thought that maybe I should run it by him before I post his life on the internet.
And the result?
100% on all counts (1,2 & 3.) He still doesn’t care, and he still makes fun of me for it. I just respond with a well-timed quip about the size of his manhood.
It’s all good.
January 12th, 2009 at 2:30 am
I think you have to work the blogging thing in early, because the longer you wait, the weirder it seems.
“Yes, the past two months have been lovely, and oh by the way my entire life is on the internet.”
January 12th, 2009 at 3:13 am
I always figured that anything was eventually public, so why hide it?
I may be different because I am a minor public official, but I know that my mom, MIL, wife, son, friends, enemies, etc. all can and do read my blog.
January 12th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Ideally, I would want to tell that person early on. But then I worry about what he would think about my blog. I’m thinking if you read it all in one go, I might come across as a little pathetic. OK, a lot pathetic.
But then I think, the right guy will ‘get’ it and not be too concerned about all the times I have written about WHY DON’T I HAVE A BOYFRIEND ALREADY?!
Crap.
January 12th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I have never told anyone I was dating I had a blog because, duh, I talk about them on it. I try to respect their privacy somewhat by using fake names . . . I don’t know, if I end up meeting “the one” and getting married and all that crap, I imagine I’ll start a non-anonymous blog and of course tell my SO about it, but right now? I blog so I have somewhere to put my PRIVATE thoughts.
January 12th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately seeing as how I’m working myself back into the dating scene. My Ex knew about my blog, but he’s the only person. I’m not sure if I would tell a new guy about it… I write some personal stories that I don’t really want everyone (except, you know, everyone on the internet) to know. But then I guess it seems weird to have this secret life, especially if you are seriously dating someone.
I’d probably end up telling them about my blog. What have I got to lose, right?
January 12th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I have a thing about bringing facebook/myspace/etc into a relationship too early, I think tooo many assumptions can be made off of nothing without getting facts and can only hurt and hinder a relationship, rather than let it grow naturally. I would have to take down a LOT of posts about past relationships before showing off my blog to a boyfriend, way too much incriminating evidence in there!! If I don’t like facebooking a guy i’m dating too early, my blog is definitely going to be one of the last things I share, if even! After all, I am anonymous.
January 12th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
god, i have no idea. i keep wondering when to tell manfriend and i just HAVE NO IDEA.
January 12th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I have to admit, my man friend is aware that I have a blog, but I have never told him the site adress. I’ve told him that I try to keep it under wraps of course and I’m lucky that he has never pressed the issue.
January 12th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
This is a fabulous question!! What the heck? We’re so torn between keeping our “private” thoughts as our own - which is essentially sharing them with the world…anon style…but at the same time not wanting to keep secrets from the person who could be our future. its a toughie.
I don’t have prospects at the moment, so its not a concern, but as soon as I have to cross that bridge I know i’ll be so torn.
What are you going to do?? Share or not share?
January 12th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I think it’s a personal decision. I told my boyfriend I have a blog right at the beginning of our relationship and he’s been reading it ever since. In fact, he always checks it because he’s hoping I’ll mention something about him. I basically tell him everything anyways so not much to hide from him.
January 12th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I’ve asked myself this question many a time. What I concluded is, that YES, they have the right to know about my blog, but I don’t have to go about telling them that I have a blog
January 12th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I have crap about me all over the internet which can be a bit scary…but I don’t divulge that until later on. I haven’t really dated anyone since I started my blog, and the only person I have shown any interest in I actually met through my blog soooo, yeah. He knows a tad too much about me, but I’m dealing okay with that.
January 12th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
It’s not something I’ve really spent a lot of time thinking about, because when i first started my blog i was IN a relationship and my boyf knew about it from the outset - and I’ve not been in a relationship since so there;s been no need for me to mention it. I’m thinking about what I would do now though. I would probably mention it in passing, but would be unwilling to give out my url as I feel it would give away too much about me.
January 13th, 2009 at 1:03 am
Well the guy I’m now dating knew I had a blog but I didn’t share the link with him until just before the holidays.
Do I mind? No, but I can’t be completely honest anymore about certain things; not things pertaining directly to him but about some of his friends or certain things about his family I don’t quite understand. He’d probably be cool with me posting it, but I’m not entirely sure.
He reads sporadically, rarely comments, so it works out okay.
Frankly, as a girl, if you have a lot of thoughts/debating and etc about a girl, don’t share it with us. Unless you have poems and schmoopy stuff about her consistently, it’s probably not worth it, but that’s just me!
January 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I’m a bit of a unique case. When my guy and I were still just friends, I found out he had a blog. I ended up spending hours reading it and his wit and writing skills magnified my crush on him. So it doesn’t need to be a bad thing! He’s the one who suggested that blogging may be a good fit, and is the only irl person who knows I blog.
January 13th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
good topic! i don’t really talk about anything controversial on my blog - and i think its a good insight to my personality. i like knowing that friends/prospective dates, whoever are reading! its something i like to do and want people to know about me.
January 13th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I’ve covered this one on my blog before, I think it depends on the situation. You are right though, eventually you do have to tell. For me, the relationship would have to start to be getting serious before I told.
January 13th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Wow great question! I think if you know me, you will figure it out. so many people i know blog, and it comes up in conversation, like, “hey i read on your blog…” so i think i would not have to tell the guy i was dating he would figure it out. honestly my blog is for me not for them.
hmmm maybe this is why i do not have a man!??
January 14th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I guess I had never really given thought to not telling my SO about my blog. Although I was about six months in before I ever did. Before that, there wasn’t really anything worth reading anyway.
January 14th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
I just tagged you guys with an award! I love this blog!!!
January 16th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I just told my boyfriend that I have a blog. He was curious for about 2 minutes but doesn’t even care. I write about him but nothing bad. I don’t want people that I know to find my blog because I don’t want them to think of me differently but I thought I should tell the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I showed him the website, he read it for a minute and then got bored and moved on. I don’t think you have much to worry about it you don’t broadcast to the entire world your entire life.
January 16th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
We check facebook or myspace to see if they have a profile. When we find them on there, we’re usually pissed when we find out their profle is locked to “private” and we cant see if there are any pics with them with their ex’s.
Hahaha. Awesome. Thank god I am not alone…
January 19th, 2009 at 2:24 am
I have a policy of instituting a ‘probationary period’… when it starts to get serious, if you don’t already know, you’ll likely find out….