Scared of a number
There are a lot of different numbers that can freak someone out… the number signifying how much money you owe, the number of years you still have left of school, the number of people you’ve hooked up with… but the number I am most afraid of is the number of years I’ve been alive.
I know, that sounds really dumb. I’m turning 23 next month and I’m absolutely okay with being 23. That number doesn’t scare me. But 25? Scary. 30? Horrifying. Any older than that and I can’t even think about it. I am scared of not being young anymore. I’m scared of being too old to be irresponsible when I want to be. I hate thinking that in a few years I’ll be the “old person” hanging out with all of the young, fresh twentysomethings at the bar. I’m scared of getting old.
I know that 25 is very young. In fact, a lot of people consider it to be the best time of their life. They are out of school finally, working, often still single, but still young enough to have fun. But to me, 25 symbolizes the age where you are no longer able to get away with the things you used to be able to do. You finally have to be a grown-up. And if you don’t act like an adult at 25, people think you are immature and ridiculous.
I’m still trying to figure out this whole independence thing. I have to get up and go to work every morning. Two nights a week I have to go to class. The other five nights a week I have to do homework. I have to make sure all my bills are paid on time. I have to buy groceries. I have to try and stay healthy even though it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day for excersizing. I have to make sure that I’m insured. I have to try and save money. It’s a lot, as you all know. And independence is wonderful, I love it. But I’m still getting used to it. 2008 was the first year I wasn’t claimed by my parents on their W-2. 2009 is the first year I’ve ever had a job with salary and benefits. This is all very new to me.
A lot of our readers are 25 and beyond. I don’t want to offend you with this post. Instead, I want you to tell me why being in your mid-to-late twenties is something that I should look forward to and not dread with every ounce of my soul.
Is it silly that I am so scared to grow up?
January 21st, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I don’t think it’s silly. See, I never got a chance to think about this stuff and get scared because I’ve worked since I was 16….have had a full time job for over 2 years now and I do both work and school. I haven’t moved out yet but I have more responsibilities at home now that I would when I’m on my own (It’s twisted that way).
So no…I don’t think it’s silly but trust me, once 25 rolls around, you’ll still be free-spirited and young. Sure, we all get into the hustle and bustle of the workforce but as long as you know to keep your head above water and remember to take the time to have fun…it’ll be alright
Oh and I’m 23 now.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I am 28 (I know! Old!) and I think my best years so far have been 25 - 28. I feel like I have really gotten to know my friends in a deep way (no, this is not sexual) - but I guess we just started having deeper conversations the older we got. Also, we actually do more than just booze on the weekends, and we have more money - which means more creative parties (ie Wig Party!).
Keep on keepin’ on - the best is yet to come!
January 21st, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I don’t think it’s silly either but I can also absolutely promise you that you don’t have to be responsible when you hit 25 or even 30. As you’re already finding out you can take care of yourself but you can still cut loose and do the craziest things
L x < who’s 31 this year
January 21st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I remember feeling the same way in my early 20s. But then it happens and it’s all, oh, this is what I was worried about? Weird. It’s kind of like the first time I went on a roller coaster with a loop. I completely talked it up in my head and thought it would be awful to be upside down and could I really do it. And then it happened and that was it… it just happened. There was no pausing upside down to consider whether I liked it or not. It just was.
So to me, that is how aging is. It is part of life and the sooner we embrace our own paths the better. This is coming from someone who turned 27 three days ago.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:13 pm
You’re not silly at all. I’ve had many freakouts over this same subject in the past few years. As someone who will be 28 next month (ugh, just saying it makes me cringe a little), I’ve been thinking about this age thing a lot. I had a really hard adjustment to post-college life, but with each passing year I’ve become more and more comfortable with who I am and more aware of what I want. I don’t really know how to explain it, but the “being and adult thing” becomes less scary with each passing year.
P.S. No one expects you to have everything figured out at 25. That’s just something we tell ourselves because we had these preconceived ideas of who we’d be after a quarter century of life. I don’t think anyone knows exactly where their going, whether they’re 25 or 55. If this blog is any indication, you’re pretty awesome and that won’t change over time
January 21st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I think I was scared too. Then again, I was in school until I was 25, and not quite ready to “settle down” then. For me it was kind of a natural progression - the time just came when I was over being out x number of nights a week and also the hangovers got worse…I still managed to be otherwise responsible while incurring those hangovers, mind you. I guess I’m saying is it comes on its own. Rather than be scared of the next few years, live it up at 23!!!
January 21st, 2009 at 4:22 pm
i’m the same way! after i turned 21, i’ve dreaded every birthday (while still loving ‘my day’) because it means i’m getting old. i’m going to turn 24 in two months and i’m terrified. i was just getting used to being 23 without shuddering. 25 is really scary to think about. in high school, i wanted to be married and have kids by 25, now who knows if i’ll even have a boyfriend!
i don’t want to get old.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:25 pm
It isn’t silly to be scared..the reason I am not though is because I try to think about how much better life will be when I’m 40-50 or older… For me the twenties are all about trying to get somewhere, do something, get ahead, get a promotion, pay off debt, get a stable relationship, and more and more… the twenties are scary to me than 30-40+ because I know I will be doing less of the getting and more of the enjoying. I will know myself better as I get older. I will know what friends I truly have as the years come my way. I will be able to say “No” more to the things I don’t want to do and “Yes” to the things I spent my twenties dreaming about. I’m 26 now and am dating but unsure about marriage, working but want promotions, living in a city a like but don’t love and friends with my fair share of “frenimies”..
I know that as I get older I will figure all this stuff out…I know it because that is what everyone older than me says I will and I believe them
January 21st, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I don’t think it is silly at all. The “real world” sucks sometimes and you’re right- there aren’t enough hours in the day! I miss the days when I could schedule my classes so I had every Friday off. When going out on a Thursday night was a common thing and not an ordeal. When I ran low on money I would not think twice about turning to mommy and daddy or my brand new credit card to bail me out.
But it’s not all bad. There is a satisfaction in being self-sufficent. Buying a house, having a 401K, going on a “real” vacation, getting to know who you are and what you are capable of…all that really does mean something. And you can still have fun and get crazy sometimes, you just won’t cross that line of “oh, I really shouldn’t have done that last night” as often anymore. Which feels REALLY good. (Plus over the next few years you’ll get to go to lots and lots of weddings probably. That’s always an excuse to get a little crazy!)
I’m turning 29 later this year, and the thought of being 30 still makes me start hyperventalating.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Not silly at all! I’m turning 26 in a couple of months, and I have to tell you that the best years of my 20s so far have been the last couple. Well, I suppose that’s not entirely accurate because my years in college were pretty awesome. It’s just that, in these last couple of years, my sense of self has strengthened beyond what I thought was possible and I can tell I’m continuing to “grow into myself.” I know that sounds kind of cheesy, but it’s where I’m at. My friendships are fewer, but they are WAY more meaningful. My relationships with men are different, deeper, more considerate, as I learn to treat people with the same respect I expect.
I love my mid-twenties and will hold onto 26 with dear life as “late twenties” isn’t too far around the corner.
The best thing I can tell you is just to HOLD ON and PAY ATTENTION to the world around you, at every year. You’ll remember every year as the best ever if you can live each moment you’re in with 100% of what you’ve got.
January 21st, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Definitely not silly! Your 20’s should be the best years of your life … because those are the years where you can do anything and everything and get away with it! Your 20’s is your time to explore the world, figure out your life, find a career you love, hopefully find a relationship that’s worth holding on to… and so much more! Don’t think of it as getting older, just think of it as learning more experiences.
I’m 25 and the last few years have been the best years of my life. I’ve learned and experienced so much (more than I ever thought I’d experience) and I’m so excited to learn/experience much more.
Take advantage of it while you can. Travel the world, eat bad foods, drink when you know you shouldn’t! … because your 30’s is when you can be the full-time responsible adult!! Enjoy it!
January 21st, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I guess because I’ve been taking care of myself since I was 19, turning 25 was just another day to me. I have friends who are like “OMG I’m gonna be 24 this year!” like something will magically happen at the stroke of midnight. LOL. It’s not silly at all… I’m dreading the day 30 comes…why, I have no idea. I don’t mean to offend any of the 30 year youngs but I am. For some reason 30 is like the end of the road…that’s it, that’s all she wrote, I will officially be uncool and no longer hip and will have settle for being one of those women like my older cousins…lmao! I am so not looking forward to that…and I’ll be 26 in june…one year closer! Damnit!
January 21st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
this is page from my own life! i’m going to be 23 in march (yay!) and i’m slowly beginning to start a countdown to when i will feel officially “old” in my head.
January 21st, 2009 at 6:17 pm
The wonderful thing about getting older is that even while you flip out about how old you are, you still feel okay acting immature. I’m 25 and am still as immature and ridiculous as I ever was, only I occasionally do more responsible things now (like filing my own taxes). Just because you have to be responsible on occasion doesn’t mean you ALWAYS have to be. Life is still fun after your early 20s. =)
January 21st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Not silly, but I promise–late twenties are better than early twenties. (I am 27 and 3/4). Seriously. I feel so much more stable (emotionally, financially) and consistently happier. My friendships are better (MUCH less catty high school-ness), my romantic relationships have gotten subsequently better (I’m less willing to put up with bs), and my relationships with my family and myself have also gotten stronger. I feel more capable in every aspect of my life. Each move has put me in a nicer or better apartment. I’m trading in hand-me-down stuff for real, grown up furnishings and clothes.
I would not go back to my early twenties for anything, and I’m no longer dreading 30–I’m looking forward to it!
January 21st, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I’m 27. I used to say I was going to get to 25 and stop, because the idea of getting older terrified me. And then 25 sucked. Big time. My life was turned upside down. So 26 came and I was thrilled about it. The thing to remember is, there’s no such thing as a grown up. Not really. At least I don’t think so. Why do we think we’re suddenly going to change when we hit a certain age? My mother still acts like a big kid and there are 12 year old out there who are more serious (and probably more mature) than I am. I’m probably always going to feel like a big kid pretending to be a ‘grown up’. And that’s ok.
As for my 20s? Meh. I will not in any way say they’ve been the best time of my life. I am looking forward to my 30s, mainly because I hope by then I’ll be sorted and settled and be able to look back on this time with a wise shake of my head and a smile at how rubbish I was
January 21st, 2009 at 6:42 pm
OMG! I just turned 25 a week ago and I’m still totally freaked about it! I don’t think it’s weird at all…b/c I mostly feel like I’m now required to be an adult…and frankly being an adult isn’t as much fun as they said it would be!
January 21st, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I’m turning 21 (yeah, I know that I’m super young compared to most 20somethings) but it sees like I’m going through all of this now. I pay my own bills, taxes. Hopefully by the time I do get to 25 I’ll be passed my quarter-life crisis and able to enjoy it.
Yet for all my maturity I still like watching Disney movies or sticking my tongue out at someone during a playful argument.
January 21st, 2009 at 8:18 pm
You know how you go back home to your parents house and see some high school kids loitering around the Starbucks or 7-11 (or Wal-Mart for you Southern folks)? You think to yourself, “Wow, look at how dumb those little kids are!”
That’s gonna happen for the rest of your life but the scale will constantly adjust with your age.
I can’t speak to the Ticking Clock issue but socially, you age when you decide “I’m done with this scene” and not when your birthday comes around. If you can hang and take care of yourself, age = experience. If you can’t and don’t, age = death coming at you.
Just my thoughts,
29 year old NYC male (turning 30 in May)
January 21st, 2009 at 8:55 pm
I am SO freaked out about getting older. 23 was a pretty big number for me this year. I’m out of school, working, financially independant, co-habiting with the boy.
WHY THE GROWNUPNESS???
And I totally get what you mean about not being able to get away with irresponsibility. I once heard the perfect way to describe the age we are now… “Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.”
I want to stay this way forever!
January 21st, 2009 at 8:56 pm
I turn 27 this year.
I’m having the most fun I have EVER had. Drama free fun!! I have a great job, great friends and am able to do whatever I want.
I am over all the bad habits and drama I went through in my early twenties and I finally feel like I know who I am. There’s alot of confusion at 23 but it really does fizz down in a matter of a couple years. Hang in there- the best is yet to come.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 am
I ended up here, following various blog links, and I am by far the oldest person to leave a comment. I turned 32 in October. As someone who has been there-done that, all I can tell you is that the best part of this is that the growing up part doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t wake up one day, 25 or 28 or 30, expected to be someone completely different. It’s a gradual process, one you’ve been working toward since the day you arrived. One thing I’ve learned in the almost decade longer I’ve been “doing this” is that it’s always most scary to look too far ahead. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve learned to worry about today, try to be the best person I can. Tomorrow will take care of itself and when it gets here? You’ll shock yourself with your ability to handle it.
January 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 am
I’m 26 and going through the same thing. I got married when I was 23 - and now - I kinda wish I hadn’t. Don’t get me wrong - I love my husband, but the idea that I’m officially a grown up has now hit me with full force. I love being older - you don’t have to put up with a lot of the bs that’s associated with college.
I’ve decided to take some time for myself to deal with my problems - and am temporarly running away from my responsibilities so I can get my head straight.
I would recommend knowing who you are and what you want out of life before jumping into any serious relationships. And enjoy the hell out of your 20s!
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
For me, my early-mid twenties were spent living at home. Don’t get me wrong, I saved up a ton and have a nice little nest egg now. But, getting past 25 has allowed me more independence and eventually, more job responsibility and in turn, more pay.
All good things!
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:50 am
25 IS scary. I’ve been 25 for two weeks and even though the number freaks me out I realize that I”m still the same person that I was a month ago but with ten more days of life experience under my belt. I feel more “grown up” than I ever did being 22, or 23 and with that comes a sense of confidence and security that I’ve never felt before.
Try not to get too distracted by the numbers - and pick a higher scary age! I plan to
January 30th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
I still think of myself as 24. Being 28 (soon to be 29?!)….and it is scary. I thought I’d be so much farther along with things.