Too much of a man.
I recently got a comment on one of my posts that I didn’t quite understand. Those who read my blog may have saw it.
The reader assumed that I watched the show “Bromance”. Which, is an assumption that was hard for me to swallow. I don’t watch that show I swear!
Anyway, aside from that, her comment was insanely rude. I mean, sometimes my posts may be hard to swallow, I get that. Especially if you don’t regularly read my blog and don’t understand the way that I am. I can seem like a macho douchebag at times.
So over an exchange of emails, she tell me that I need to quit acting like an “Alpha Male.” At first, I figured that she was just angry at the post and lashing out. After thinking about it, I’m wondering if maybe she was right.
I mean, I definitely don’t act like an Alpha Male on purpose. It’s a mentality thats been engrained into me. My father is the same way, I suppose it is a learned behavior. I have learned that it isn’t acceptable for guys to cry. I learned that sometimes, you shouldn’t talk about your feelings with everyone. I learned that men are supposed to be tough. I learned that it’s ok to fart in public, as long as you are walking and nobody hears it. The walking thing is really optional, more of a common sense thing than a learned behavior.
But thats not why I think she called me an “Alpha Male”. I believe she called me that because I don’t like the color pink, I don’t like chocolate and because I like having sex. Which to me, isn’t learned, it’s totally preference. It’s my preference to like these things, so how do I quit?
How am I supposed to change my prefences? How am I supposed to change the behaviors that have been instilled within me ever since I was old enough to understand? I will always pick sports over chick flicks. I will never willingly listen to Destiny’s Child. I used to hate it when girls dotted their i’s with hearts. I get the comment “You’re such a guy,” all the time but I never thought it was a bad thing. I just always figured that our preferences is what always seperate the sexes.
So I guess my question here is- how much is too much? How much testosterone is apprpriate and when does it cross the line?
Also, just a sidenote… this is the second post in a row I have written with no curse words. Kudos to me. Again.
February 15th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
If I dont get any comments congratulating me on a whole day without cursing I will be sad.
February 15th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
umm, part of my wants to comgratulate you for not swearing, the other part of my swears wayyyyy too much to feel worthy enough to congratulate you…
but fuck it, CONGRATs!!!!!
February 15th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I will never willingly listen to Destiny’s Child either. Does that make me a macho douchebag?
Congrats on not cursing. (I think. I personally am a huge fan of curse words.)
February 15th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
“I believe she called me that because I don’t like the color pink, I don’t like chocolate and because I like having sex. ” Dude, if THAT’S why she called you an Alpha Male, then I’m pretty darn close to being one, minus the fact that I do adore pink sometimes.
The thing that I think is important to remember here is that yes, I think you would chose sports over chick flicks anytime, but if you were with a girl who REALLY wanted to watch a chick flick? You would do it. And I bet you would do it without complaining for the entire two hours. To me, an Alpha Male wouldn’t do that. And although you do showcase manly behaviors, I would never categorize you completely as ‘Alpha Male’, and I don’t think people who read your blog on a regular basis would either.
February 15th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
I don’t necessarily think it’s bad to be an alpha male. I mean, sure, taken to an extreme, its not good but any extreme isn’t. I agree with Brandy too that when you blog you only showcase a certain part of your personality so it’s tough for commenters, or anyone really, to judge based on what they read.
I mean, I write a food blog. A lot of my readers probably think I’m 400 lbs. Hah. And there are so many snarky bloggers out there that I highly doubt are really like that in person.
February 15th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
You are a guy, but you are not an “alpha male”. I mean-disgruntled chick is entitled to her opinion, but this is mine.
There’s an entire generation of us gals that want men to be women, and it drives me up a wall!
They want men to be strong and supportive, to want them and make them feel sexy, but then they want them to deny other things about themselves that are overtly masculine.
Guess what? Men’s brains don’t work the same way as ours. If you don’t want to be subjected to it, don’t read their blogs!!
February 15th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
The title of this post made me giggle…
Alpha Male was clearly misused…
There is nothing wrong with men who are manly. I don’t know you, and neither does she, but f what either of us thinks (I’ll try not to curse either) and be YOU. Cause I think most of us think YOU are pretty cool as you are.
/tunes guitar for round of Kum Ba Yah
February 15th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I definitely think that being an “alpha male” is a learned behavior too. And I don’t think that girl reads your blog very often, otherwise she’d know more of your personality.
And I also fart when I walk so that no one knows it’s me!
Psych! Girls actually don’t fart OR poop.
February 16th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Its all about choice. I HATE it when someone just looks at one thing about me (probably me taking care of my hair) and say, “That’s so girly!!.
Hate it.
Its also all about typifications. Why does everyone have to be stereotyped? I dont talk about all my emotions, I don’t think crying is good or healing, I fart when no ones hearing (c’mon!! who doesn’t??) and I swear. And I hate girls who wear pink and dot their i’s with heart or go all, “SQUEEEE .. he LOOKED at me!!”
February 16th, 2009 at 2:11 am
Fucking awesome, Matt. You are the shit.
Seriously, though, I’m with the comment above me. Although I dislike mindless gender stereotyping as much as the next person, I hate the fact that I like cheese and being told I’m pretty being used against me because I am a girl. Does that make it an illegitimate aspect of my personality somehow?
February 16th, 2009 at 2:35 am
As far as I’m concerned, as long as you don’t hit women and act like a total douchebag towards them, you can fart, hate pink and watch sports as much as you want. If you were to tell a girly girl that she should stop watching her chick flicks, stop gushing over anything pink, quit crying whenever she watches The Notebook and stop overanalyzing everything, people will be livid. So I don’t understand why “manly” men are expected to change.
February 16th, 2009 at 4:02 am
I don’t read your blog (I know, I know, why on earth not?) so all I know about you is from your posts here.
You do not come across as an Alpha Male at all. Would an Alpha Male write blog posts about his (almost) feelings? I don’t really think so.
Although, personally, I like Alpha Males as long as they’re not of the chauvinistic, a women’s place is ONLY in the kitchen type. My understanding of this term is that of a strong, silent , confident, ambitious MAN that embraces his masculinity with no apologies.
I like that women and men are different. I don’t understand it, it can frustrate the hell out of me, sometimes even offend me, but I like that you DON’T like Destiny’s Child or the colour pink. I like that you like sports and that you don’t cry. I like that woman are soft round the edges and that men are harder. [Probably another reason I will never be a good feminist.]
And congratulations on not swearing. Very impressed.
February 16th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I would congratulate you but I curse entirely too much to feel right doing it as well. Sorry Sir.
I think as long you don’t tell a woman to “go to the kitchen and make you a sandwich” aside from jokingly I think most will give you a pass for being a guy.
February 16th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Alpha-Male isn’t too bad… but when you stray into ‘Meat Head’….well then that is.
Alpha-Male as I see it is strong and supportive and protective… where as Meat Head is all “Cooor look at the tits/arse/face on that’ and high fiving and shouting and generally being a tosser…
February 16th, 2009 at 10:43 am
why is it a bad thing to be an alpha man? Honestly, I think you are great and shouldn’t change anything about yourself. You just rock!
February 16th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I agree with LPB. You being you is what keeps bringing me back.
February 16th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I’m gonna agree with LPB and Erin - why is being an alpha male a bad thing? As long as you aren’t an asshole about it then who cares?!
Personally, I would be offended if someone assumed I watched and mimicked such a crappy tv show….
Congrats on not cursing!
February 16th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I read your blog all the time, and I am going to go on a limb and say this is one of the more “guy oriented” posts you have made. There is mention of football, lots of sex, and how to get lots of sex.
There is a small connection that I see between Alpha Male stereotypes, Bromance, and your blog entry. It really just stems down to talking about sex like something mindless that you use people for. It is also slightly conceited (”I always get laid on Valentine’s Day”), but you were perhaps merely stating a fact there.
I do think that guys do this all the time, and that you can’t be penalized for merely sharing your opinion on the topic. Perhaps the reader usually does read your blog, and thought you weren’t one of “those guys”.
Net - net…It is slightly sexist in it’s connotation, but as long as you don’t have hardcore feminists in your list of target audiences, keep on keepin’ on.
Congrats on not cursing. I do it way to often.
February 16th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I like you and your alpha male tendencies. That’s all they are to me thouhg. Tendencies. I read because your opinion is different and I like it. Don’t quit.
February 16th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Since when is being an alpha male a bad thing?
It sounds like this girl has a pretty warped and sadly stereotypical view of gender roles.
You don’t like pink- I know lots of girls who don’t like pink. You chose sports- so do I (and many other chicks). I hate Destiny’s Child. And so on. And in that post? you mentioned that you like sex and are always interested in getting it. Hello! Women are THE SAME WAY.
And overall, you’re clearly a lovely person. Someone I would definitely want to hang out and have a beer with. You’re a man. Most women like their men to be men. And being a man doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. Just like being a woman doesn’t mean I cry all the damn time and don’t know how to drive.
February 16th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
So basically if you like pink and chocolate and abhor sex that would make you man? Uh, no thank you I would think.
And the whole walking while farting without anyone hearing, definitely better to do it that way. Yeah, and, um, girls do that too.
February 16th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Try as she might, but no woman can compete with ESPN.
I don’t like chocolate. And I’d rather drink beer than wine. Sometimes I think I’m a man with boobs.
February 16th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Um, don’t let that chick make you question yourself. She was obviously on her period.
February 17th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Ok, you aren’t an alpha male wannabe. Since I know you pretty damn well in “real life” I can say that with conviction. To be honest, I’ve always thought you were kind of a softie. No joke!
I read the response - that chick was wack. I’ll say what you can’t say since you’re a guy…she was probably on the rag. Let it go.
February 18th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
personally, I want a man to be a man.
If I wanted someone who liked the color pink, loved chick flicks and never cussed, I’d become a lesbian. BUt I’m not, because I love men. They balance me out…