We all know and love Shania Twain (Correction: I know and love Shania Twain. Sadly, I can’t speak for the rest of you) but we’re not here to talk about pop country music.

When I was three and my younger brother was born, it became explicitly clear to me from the baby blankets that swaddled him and the gifts and toys that my mother received for him that pink was a color for girls and blue was for boys. When my brother would try to emulate me at age two, three, four, etc. because the poor kid didn’t know any better, he would say that his favorite color, like mine, was pink.

“No,” I would correct him. “Pink is for girls. You like blue. Blue is for boys.”

This, among other stereotypes somehow made their way into my subconsciousness over the course of my twenty-five years because though fully I support women having equal rights to men, most of the time I think of it as a non-issue. I mean, us girls can vote, we can wear slacks to work - and if you’re lucky like I am, jeans on Friday.  In general, I think men and women are on a pretty even keel, with the exception of a few genetically predetermined psychological differences (for further detail on that, see: He’s Just Not That Into You).

In some countries, I understand that there is a large gender gap between men and women, but in the United States many cultures have reached a point where male and female individuals are considered equal. In politics, in corporations and even, yes, in relationships.

On eHarmony, one of the questions in the final communication stage asks whether or not you subscribe to traditional gender roles. When I think of steroetypical gender roles, and ladies, I know a lot of you are probably sitting in front of your computers cringing with shame at what I’m about to say, I think of TV Land wives like Donna Reed. I think of June Cleaver and Carol Brady, with ruffled aprons hiding their stylish shirtdresses, pulling dinner from the oven just as their husbands come home from a hard day at work. I think of men as the breadwinners who go to work while the women stay home and make babies - well, the men have a part in that too, but once the babies are made, the women stay home and raise them. To me, that is a the epitome of a stereotypical gender role.

Even though gender roles have evolved from the standard of the 1950s housewive, they may not be as extreme as they once were but they certainly still exist. And while I fully support human rights and equality for everyone - man, woman, child, dog, martian…I think that there are some gender roles, double standard or not, that I agree with:

• The guy should pay for the first few dates.

 I’m a generous person but it’s not a matter of money. I don’t care if the first date is the coffee cart on the corner of 20th and Park, but I think it’s a nice gesture when the guy treats. Anyway, I’m the one who put on make-up and shaved my legs. Let’s play fair.

• Rodent extermination is the guy’s job.

Here is a hypothetical scenario: Girl and guy are sitting on couch. Mouse runs across room. It is perfectly acceptable for girl to stand on couch shrieking as if she is being beaten. It is not acceptable for guy to do the same. Even if guy secretly wants to vomit while killing said mouse, there is an expression along the lines of “man up” and it was invented for a reason. NOTE: I feel similarly about home renovation and minor construction projects. I think men should be able to hang shelves. If you can’t do it on the first or second try that’s fine. If you have to call your best friend to help do it for you, that’s fine too as long as I’M not the one who has to do it.

• Men should not obsess over their weight.

Guys, you get mad at girls when we do it. So can you imagine how annoying it is when all you think about is whether or not the bagel in your hand has too many carbs? We want to know that you’ll love the way we look even if we’re a few pounds above our ideal weight and if you’re counting calories, we’re sure as hell not going to think you’ll find us sexy in anything skimpier than a snow suit. It’s great to be conscious of your health and maintain a diet full of good-for-you foods, but don’t be afraid to have seconds at dessert, especially if your lady friend made it.

• The guy should propose.

I melted a little inside too when Miranda asked Steve to marry her during the second half of the sixth season of Sex and the City, but when I get married, there better be a rock and I better be surprised, that’s allllllll I’m saying about that one.

But you can relax, I’m not a total travesty to females everywhere. There are also some gender stereotypes that make me want to toss my cookies. 

• Women should shoulder most of the housework - because, you know women are just better at laundry and cleaning.

I’m going to set the record straight here and say that the last guy I dated had an apartment that was neater than mine was before I even moved my furniture into it.  I think that if a man and woman are in a relationship and living together, there needs to be a level of mutual respect, affection and adoration, which means you share and share alike. If he cooks, she should clean and If she mans the laundry room, he should happily take out the trash every morning.

• The guy has to call.

Years ago, a woman somewhere who clearly had some sort of social phobia set a very important precedent. She decided that when two people meet and are potentially interested in dating each other, it should be the man who initiate the first point of contact. I’m sure she had no idea what she was starting but the very idea that a girl shouldn’t make the first call, is, I believe a source of anxiety and tension in a lot of early relationships and if not in the relationship, than just in the poor girl’s head. If i like someone, I want to feel comfortable enough to call them on the phone, period.

I could go on but since I know you all have plenty of opinions at this point, I want to hear from you!

What gender roles do you subscribe to? What traditional gender stereotypes do you find acceptable? Completely unacceptable?

Speak now, or forever hold your peace.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 20th, 2009 at 1:05 am and is filed under boys will be boys, girls will be girls, maris thinks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.