And then my heart stopped
In order for you to understand, you need to quickly read this.
It’s okay, I will wait.
That guy? Let’s call him Jack. And let’s also keep in mind two things, 1) that I’m horrified that I have become a girl who is using blogging to solely discuss a heartbreaking boy situation and 2) that such a situation has left me in tears. Fuck. Tears? I’m am now that girl who cries over a boy? Yes. TEARS.
Let’s not dwell on this.
So, this guy, Jack. The one who had the girlfriend, who broke my heart, well I found out some time ago (let’s not discuss how) that he got married. To the charming and lovely girlfriend, of course. And then tonight, I randomly decided to check my old email account. And there was an email.
From.
Him.
It’s been almost two years since we last talked.
The email was all breezy, ‘how are you’s’ and ‘ what are you doing now’s?’, peppered in ‘are you still as funny as you used to be?’ and ‘let me know how you’ve been, I’ve love to know’. And I know that to many of you, hell, to all of you, this sounds very small. But to me? Oh to me, I don’t even know how to explain it.
There’s still 165 old emails of his saved. Emails that I can’t bear to read or delete. When I teach a child who has the same name as him, it still feels like a kick to my stomach to say the name out loud. I’ve thought of writing to him a hundred times, thought of calling him a thousand more. But what was there left to say? Nothing. So that is what I have said.
But now, he’s emailed me. He wants to catch up. And suddenly my chest hurts and I feel confused. I want to do the right thing but I’m not sure what that is. I want to be responsible and cool and clever and most importantly, wise with my heart, yet I’m torn. So, instead of suffering a nervous breakdown, I will turn to you, wise readers. Would you email him back, and if you did what would you say?
And let’s never mention this post ever again. It unnerves me how unsettled this has made me.
February 26th, 2009 at 1:58 am
going thru something similar (although not much time has passed) .. i’m having a hard time letting a guy go. I’ve kept his emails, can’t bare to delete them etc… and although i’m still in the process of letting him go…. I would say not to email him back. idk. it’s hard not to torture yourself and want to reply and hear how he’s doing…. but it’s that- torture. because it sounds like he meant something to you. alot. and i think to email him would bring it all back and then you have a Pity Party invite for one. maybe that’s just me.
February 26th, 2009 at 2:01 am
Warning, my comment is slightly harsh.
Don’t email him back. Don’t contact him. In fact delete all his emails including the most recent he sent you. Yes, it’s painful, extremely hard to do. There’s nothing that you can do. He’s married and that’s that.
If he wanted to be with you from the very beginning, he would not still be with the woman who is now his wife.
And lastly, do you want to go down a road that is bound for even more heartbreak? Would you want to be with a man who is contacting a sort of exflame even though he is committed to someone else?
February 26th, 2009 at 2:41 am
Write him back. Tell him how much you love him, how much you hate him, how much his email made you want to punch your pillow and how many cheetos you had to eat out of frustration. Tell him how every dream you’ve ever had of him, every nightmare, every stupid, aching little thought.
But don’t send it to him.
Send it to me. Or to another friend. And we’ll read it or delete it or print it out and frame it, whatever will help you move on and move past.
But don’t send it to him.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:05 am
I have been in a similar situation and I have replied. And nothing good came from it. In fact, he replied to my reply, I replied to his reply and then all of a sudden I was back to where I had started and when, with butterflies in my stomach and hope in my heart, I asked “Why do you feel like you need to keep in contact with me?” He said, “No reason. I talk to you just to talk to you.”
I wanted to feel that I meant something, even two years later, but it turns out that he had moved on and I was the only one still stuck in the past. Its a lonely place to be.
If I could do it all over, I would never have replied. Instead, I agree with Laurie. Write him back. Take it all out. And then send it to a friend.
Friends will take care of your heart, of your feelings. These men they won’t.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:36 am
I agree with the others…he’s married. He’s moved on. Replying would only open up your end again. Write the email. Send it to someone else. Delete those old emails. They are holding you back!
February 26th, 2009 at 6:08 am
I have to agree with all those saying no. I know it’s very hard but don’t get sucked back into that. This is what I have to say based on my teeny tiny knowledge of the situation:
Don’t do it. After two years he sends you a breezy email, as if it’s nothing? I don’t trust that. It screams ulterior motive. Perhaps he’s unhappy in his relationship, he wants validation from elsewhere. He remembers you, he thinks how easy it would be to get attention from you (and he’s right, look, it worked!).
February 26th, 2009 at 7:16 am
No I would not email him back. You have nothing to prove to him. Don’t email him if it’s going to cause you grief. Look out for yourself and don’t worry what he thinks.
February 26th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Don’t email him back.
Of course, you can do whatever you want, but he hurt you, and he’s just emailing for a reason. Either to be friends, to start something again and break your heart, or to tell you he’s married with Octopussy (Nadya).
Either way, do you really want to find out the good bad and evil? What if he breaks your heart again?
Not worth it.
February 26th, 2009 at 9:19 am
If you were over him I would say email him back, but like everyone said, no good can come of it now. I know what it’s like to get back in touch with someone you once had feelings for and to get your hopes up again and it’s definitely not a good situation to be in. One day if you’re ever really comfortable with him being married and legitimately think you can be okay with just being friends, you can email him. But now? No way.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I’d probably send back a little e-mail reply.
Nothing too… friendly.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Oh, how I know this feeling all too well. The pain is hard to describe, even if it is from your past.
I’d be weary of the reply. In this case, you need to consider your feelings most of all. Could you handle “catching up”? What if he wants a friendship to grow out of it? Because sadly, he is married. We don’t know the situation, but that’s risky waters if he still impacts you in such a way.
But I know how it’s all easier said than done. Just follow your heart.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Do not email.
I know you want to but don’t. No good will come of it.
Promise.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
He’s married. Do not reply. You don’t want to be That Girl. The One that broke up a marriage and let many lives get torn apart. Even if it could mean you two getting together in the end, real life is not like Hollywood movies. It won’t be easy and Happily Ever After if you do ANYTHING to get his attention. IF he love(s/d) you, he would not have married her. Even if he love(s/d) you, he would do the steps he needed to take on his own terms to end his marriage to see if there’s a future with you.
Do not contact him. You will hate yourself, because nothing good will come of it. His wife and friends and family will hate you for interfering in their marriage. He could eventually hate you if things don’t work out with both you and his marriage. You’ll throw yourself back at his mercy and have to suffer the heartbreak and torture of getting over him all over again when nothing happens between the two of you.
You deserve better. So don’t contact him back.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Well if you guys were friends…
its really up to you here. Do you want to be his friend anymore?
February 26th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Does his wife know that hes friends with you?
would you be willing to be friends with both of them?
If you answered no to either, I wouldnt bother writing back.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Take a deep breath.
Now delete all the old emails. And empty your trash.
Then reply saying ‘I’m really well thanks [insert some fact from your life that's ace]. Hope things are well with you and the wife. Take Care.”
And then think all the bad things you can about him.
Go out with your friends, have a drink and a dance and try not to think about him.
Anything else really isn’t worth it. He’s married now.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I have to agree with everyone who said to delete all the old emails and do not reply back to him in any way. I know how extremely hard that will be (I’ve been there) but it’s time to let him go.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I wouldn’t respond. I think it’d be too painful to open up that can of worms.
If you feel you must respond, keep it short and sweet. “Life is going well. I hope things are well with you. I heard you got married. Congrats.” If you start a back and forth conversation with him, you may be really hurt by what he says back.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I know it’s incredibly tempting to email him back, but I’ve been in the same position as you, and I did what my mother told me not to:
I emailed him back.
And trust me, it didn’t lead to anywhere that was good for me.
Because this guy, e-mailing you when he’s getting married and all, he’s being truly selfish. If he does care about you, he would’ve left you alone, instead of toying with your emotions.
Delete it.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:25 am
So, what I would do and what I would tell you to do are two very different things.
I would probably email him back. I’m nosy. I’m selfish. I would want to know if he was happy. If their marriage was working. I would want to regret doing something rather than regret not doing it. However, I’m aware this would probably end badly and leave me feeling even more confused and possibly ashamed.
Thus, I think you should probably delete the email, print out the ones you have saved that really matter, and then delete the lot of them. Email a friend with what you’d really like to say to him and then let it all go. Don’t email him back.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:49 am
You deserve better. Do NOT respond to him. You’ll only end up regretting it.
Oh sure, not right away, when he sends a few flirty e-mails back and forth and tells you he shouldn’t have married her because he’s miserable, etc.
But in several months or a year, you’ll be hurting when you realize that he’s NOT going to leave her now anymore than he wasn’t going to marry her when she was “just a three.” And then you’ll be worse off than you are now.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:51 am
I second Laurie & pinkjellybaby
February 26th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
this guy is probably going through a “rough patch” or such in his marriage (aka looking for outside female attention because his wife has probably become “too boring” for him now) and in need of you to stroke his ego.
Don’t do it.
but there’s also curiosity to be considered and i know i would be EXTREMELY nosy and curious to find out his current situation.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
i say don’t. I think it will only hurt more to have to keep thinking about him.
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March 12th, 2009 at 12:17 am
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March 21st, 2009 at 12:25 am
I have some txt msgs I need to delete…not sure why I have them, as they were written at a different time…that isn’t now. I never do crap like that…why now?
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