And here is what I did
Two weeks ago, I wrote this.
And then the emails started pouring. I got emails from people telling me that emailing him back would be wrong. I got emails telling me that I would regret never emailing back. I got emails calling me a home wrecker (which besides not being true, isn’t very original. Try harder next time anonymous emailer, okay?), a whore (maybe for a brief stint in college) and my favourite was an email where I was told that I “probably am one of those girls who is never happy, so I shouldn’t go around trying to ruin a marriage because even that won’t make me happy”. Clearly that last person has never seen me at a shoe sale.
In short, the majority of people said “Do. Not. Email.”.
And I agreed.
For a few days.
And then I realized, I wanted to email back. Not of course, for the reasons people assume but because I will always be that girl who puts myself in the other persons shoes and if I had emailed him- I would have wanted a reply. I didn’t email him to re-connect or to feed my ego. I didn’t email because I like to play with fire, to live on the edge, to do the opposite of what everyone says to do. I did it because it was the kind thing to do. And above all else, regardless of who this person was or will never be to me, he deserves kindness.
We all do.
Even the guy who dumped me on my birthday and used my bank card to pay for dinner (this is a different guy, but I wanted to show how highly evolved I’ve become. I’ve put the ex-boyfriend voodoo doll away).
Before the torches come out and I’m put on the stake, let me say this: my email was brief. I didn’t go into details, nor did I encourage any sort of future contact. In fact, my email basically said that a) I was closing the email account he had sent the emails to, b) that I hoped he was well and that he was happily married and c) that I didn’t want to hear from him ever again. And then dear readers, I closed the email account.
And the door.
(That last line was so overly dramatic I just had to put it in.)
(And I assure you, writing this post wasn’t my original plan- I like the idea of NOT linking to my previous episode of crazy but I had gotten a lot of emails in the last week asking what I had done and this seemed like the best way to tell people. And to give a shout out to everyone who wrote in their opinion. Even if I didn’t end up doing what you said- I know why you said it and I appreciate it. Also, Matt sucks. Just because we are in a war and that’s what you say to people you are battling with.)
March 12th, 2009 at 12:44 am
that’s impressive!
March 12th, 2009 at 1:37 am
It’s sounds like you did the right thing, good for you!
March 12th, 2009 at 4:13 am
That IS impressive. I don’t know if I would have had the will power to do that.
March 12th, 2009 at 5:02 am
Exactly what I would have done. Well done for doing it!
March 12th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Well done! Closure at its best!!
March 12th, 2009 at 7:36 am
I said not to email, but the way you did it sounds right to me. I think it was the idea of you getting sucked back into that which made me wary of contact. But saying what you had to say and leaving it at that, well done. Also, very classy.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Right on!
March 12th, 2009 at 9:01 am
BFF…
You are too nice. Too nice to ignore an email. Too nice to say that I suck (without giving a reason) and too nice to win a war.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Well done! I definitely think you did the right thing! x
March 12th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
i was the first lame person to say not to email. but really- good for you. and yay for closing the account. it sounds like you really did the right thing
and like i said in my comment to that post- i’m going thru something similar… and i’ve decided to write my guy an email laying it all out there. just for some closure. no regrets etc.
March 12th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
That’s what I like to think I would have ended up doing too. I share your feelings on kindness, although sometimes I wonder if I do it to a fault. Does everyone really deserve it? To what degree??
March 13th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I read all the back story- and although I would have sided with those who said “don’t email,” I think you did the right thing. It was probably better to respond, and close it, than to leave it open and unclear from his perspective.
Impressive. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for you.
March 14th, 2009 at 2:29 am
Great way of thinking! Can’t wait for more posts to come!
March 15th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
This reminded me so much of myself. I cannot bring myself to be mean, even to the people who deserve it– but you showed that you had guts, lady! Kudos to you!
PS. And, seriously, who are all these people who email you all these weird things? I’ve only had about one offside emails in my entire blogging life!