Textual. My new favorite word.
I got a text at 2:32am on Saturday. From a girl, who I went on a date with not to long ago.
Of course I was sleeping, after a full night of shot taking and beer pounding at the bar. So I saw the text later that morning when I woke up.
From a guys point of view, if we get a text at that time we think it means one thing and one thing only. Booty. Late-night-drunken-possibly-regrettable-in-the-morning-type-sex. There may be nothing better in this whole world. Usually I am ecstatic to see these messages because hey, it is flattering to know that someone is thinking about jumping your bones. But when I woke up and saw this message, my first reaction was kind of like “eh, no biggie”.
What the fuck is wrong with my libido? Truth is, I have lukewarm feelings for the girl. I just dont see being in a relationship with the girl.
WHOA, WAIT? Does that mean I am going to ignore this drunken sexual invite in order to avoid a potentially awkward future conversation? Yes. Yes it does.
I am going to completely ignore that it happened. What do you say after missing someone’s 2:32am text message asking “What are you doing right now,” anyway? Write her back, 7 hours later with “Nothing, what are you doing?”. Or maybe you apologize? “Sorry I wasn’t awake so that I could politely decline your textual advance towards me”. Thats right, textual… I’m going to use that in Scrabble*.
Anyway, I see her at the bar sometimes and I just hope that she never brings it up. Running into her now ig going to be, most likely, awkward as hell. In the back of my mind I will always know that she wants to do the hoobalie boobalie with me- and I just dont feel that way.
So here’s a cheers to more awkward moments in my life… because I like ending posts by toasting imaginary alcohol.
*Brandy and I are playing Scrabble again. Some of you may remember that she made me write poetry after my last lost. I assure you, I will not lose again. Nor will I ever write poetry again.
March 15th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Congrats to your desire to turn down meaningless sex. I think it’s part of maturing. Maybe. Or you really do just want to avoid an awkward run-in. After four years of going to a small-ish university, I’ve become an expert at awkward situations. It was inevitable to run into EVERY SINGLE GUY I ever did anything with..as well as their friends/roommates.
March 15th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I’m really impressed that you’re willing to turn down a little somethin’ somethin’ because you’re not into the girl. Most guys I know aren’t that cool.
March 15th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
As someone who has done the I’ll-just-return-the-text-in-the-morning I find this hilarious.
And isn’t there a saying that goes something like “never say never” because I’m pretty sure Brandy’s going to do her best to make you eat those words.
March 15th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I’m pretty sure she will take your lack of response as rejection, and thus it will never be spoken of again, by you for obvious reasons, and by her for embarrassment sake.
March 16th, 2009 at 2:58 am
I am, today, going to use textual in a conversation (I hope people don’t think I’m a pervert!).
I would say don’t txt back, either way would be awkward.. You have plausable deniability with a late night booty call… “I’m sorry, I was out on Saturday night, I mustve forgotten to reply in my drunken stupour!”. So just act normally when you see her, hopefully she’ll be too embarrased to bring it up!!
Textual x
March 16th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Three things BFF:
1. Listen to Kendall
2. You are going to lose.
3. I’m proud of you. You are becoming a man.
March 16th, 2009 at 9:47 am
“hoobalie boobalie”? can I use that?
you probably did the right thing there young jedi. (shut up, I love star wars.) why bother dealing with awkward moments later on? not worth it.
March 16th, 2009 at 10:33 am
love seeing 20somethings ‘grow up’. what you don’t know is you will backslide to teenage behavior in your 30s. cherish your maturity now. and ps - i’m stealing the word textual.
March 21st, 2009 at 12:37 am
As my friend says….”Who hurt you? Who broke you inside?”
I’ve been there, but now I consider each day to be a new opportunity to make a bad decision. Do better.