This probably doesn’t make any sense but at this point, I don’t care
Sometimes I find myself confused when I think about having a girlfriend.
I am sure that it’s because I don’t understand what I want in someone. I used to know this girl who had actually made a list, practically a fucking book, mapping out the qualities she wanted to find in a potential suitor. I never actually read this list, nor did I ever see it but I have to say the idea of someone doing this and being proud of doing it, distubred me.
It was so disturbing because the truth is, I have no clue what I want in a woman. I’m willing to admit this and I am totally upfront about not having a particular type of girl, or particular qualities I look for.
I’ve been with goodie goodie girls who didn’t drink and talk like a sailor as I do because I thought it was what I needed in life. Someone to balance out my evils, I suppose. By the time she was done asking me if I wanted to attend church survices with her and her family- I was out the door. Not physically but mentally I had checked out of the relationship.
On the flipside, I have also been with girls who share my same personality and share my same interests. These relationships were toxic in the worst way. I’m talking about 2am chasing someone down the street because you are both drunk and couldn’t decide whether to eat McDonalds or Taco Bell without yelling type of drama.
Don’t act like you havent been there.
Anyway, I realize that there is a common ground and even then I seem to sabotage it somehow. Because I have never been in a relationship where, at some point, I didn’t think to myself- it would be really great to be single right now. I do this knowing that when I am single, I sometimes think the exact opposite and analyze the greatness of being in a relationship.
So I guess what I am looking for is a party girl that reads poetry who I can be with yet, continue my single guy activities.
Is this making any sense? I doubt it but whatever.
March 29th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Yes, it makes sense!
Its good to have some idea of what you want… but to have a 20-point list is probably not the best idea either.
I think it just honestly depends on the way you interact with the other person… are you happy together, but not completely co-dependant? etc.
March 29th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
see - you’re figuring it out already. you’ll know her when you meet her.
March 29th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
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March 29th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
that makes complete sense!! frankly that’s what i’m looking for too but in a guy. well maybe not poetry, but still i think you get the point.
March 29th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
It sounds like men need a male version of the show Tough Love. Um, basically the greatest show EVER invented. EVER.
But I think we can all totally relate to where you’re coming from. Isn’t that how we want all relationships to be?
March 30th, 2009 at 12:19 am
See! You kind of know what you want… basically you want a literate party girl who’s permissive.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:27 am
I am totally a poetry-party-loving girl, alright, maybe not
I don’t think you should have a list, you may miss out on the perfect relationship simply because this girl doesn’t like seafood (or something similarly silly). Xx
March 30th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Throughout college, I had an idea of the perfect mate. He would not be bald, he would not be in retail and he would not be living with his parents when I met him. Actually, at that time, te perfect mate would have no parents.
My husband was bald when I met him, worked for EXPO design center and lived with his parents. He is also the complete opposite of me in some areas. And, I cuoldn’t imagine life without him. I also met him when all I was looking for was a fling and nothign serious. Life has a way of surprising you
March 30th, 2009 at 8:48 am
It’s totally normal to not exactly know what you’re looking for. It seems that half the time you meet someone that just can potentially have a future with, they’re totally different than what you would have thought anyway. It’s good to know what works/doesn’t work, but to also be flexible. Having a rigid view of what your mate should be might work against you.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:40 am
It makes so much sense it kind of scares me.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:13 am
It makes sense and I think that’s what everyone wants….not a freakin ball and chain. You know what you don’t want- you don’t want the fun to stop bc you’re dating someone, who does?
You’ll find it, it just takes time
March 30th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I think the more you date or even go out with a group of people you figure out more and more what you don’t want. At some point you’ll meet that girl that fits into everything you DO want.
I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. Oh and there’s not such thing as perfect. There’s only someone(s) who fits well with you.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I’ve been re-evaluating my ideal mate as of late…. i want a tall guy, that can talk politics, art, and philosophy, who cooks, can tolerate my dog and my moods…and is good in bed….do you know how hard that is to find?!
March 30th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
having a list of “qualities” is creepy as fuck. Did she accept resumes or just hold verbal interviews?
March 30th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I love the 2 am mcdonalds/taco bell fights…. although it doesn’t make for a good relationship you have that right!
March 30th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I’ve been through like 30 guys and I’m even further away from figuring out what I want.
Which is basically exactly what you said. Someone who has a little bit of a wild side, is smart, i can be with but don’t feel smothered and who lets me do my own thing!
March 30th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Taco bell, duh! Funny, I have done the same thing with guys. It never works. It just has to happen. Something where you do not put any thought into it at all. I do not know if that makes sense or not.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I absolutely need a guy who lets me be me. Whatever that may be at any given moment. The second a guy starts pinning me into a “box” - I’ve checked out. We all want someone, but to not be smothered by someone. We still need our independence within a relationship.
Great post matt.
March 30th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
It makes perfect sense.
I want a guy who I can trust, someone who can have their own life and not snore when they are sleeping next to me. Someone that I have chemistry with, can have a serious conversation with and share a bottle of wine with. Ahh…the list goes on and on….
March 30th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
BTW, polar opposites are not always a good thing=)
March 31st, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I have a theory…..we are all broken. The trick to happiness is to find someone who’s broken matches up to your broken. As for finding that person, who the heck knows. Two seperate groups of my friends told me they will have Tribal Councils to vote on women I date, because “[you] don’t have good taste in women who are good for you”.
April 1st, 2009 at 11:59 pm
I have a long list of “wants” in my head, but there’s only one that matters.
He must be AWESOME.
I’d settle for pretty cool these days.