How do I take back drunk text messages?
You know how you know that you have been drinking too much?
This morning I spent a good twenty minutes in the shower making sure the day was actually Monday and not Sunday. I had to recall specific events and relate them to a day in order to figure out the date. If it was in fact Sunday, what the fuck was I doing in the shower at 5:00am?
After confirming my suspicions that it was, in fact, Monday, I finished my routine and sped off to work.
This weekend was like a binge-drinking-marathon and being the winner that I am, I came in first. With a record time even. I drank so much, the mosquitoes are all lining up to get a shot of my blood. My blood alcohol content sends them away buzzed so they can go home and make some bad mosquitoe decisions.
Looking at some of the text messages I sent makes me feel ashamed. I told the girl I am seeing via text that (and this is a direct quote taken from my phone) “If I was Zack Morris, I would definitely want you to be Kelly Kapowski”.
Yesterday I met my Father for a drink at a bar across the street from my house. He stood for a couple beers then left before the storm came in. I told him that I would finish off the pitcher and I would see him later. Well, as I was finishing off the pitcher, the storm came in. Rain, Hail, Tornados- you know, the stuff dreams are made of. So I decided to re-open my tab and furiously drink until the storm went away. Hours later I find myself having a conversation with two guys in their fourties, the bartender and a woman who had to be in her seventies about what a Dirty Sanchez was. This did not go over well at all.
How do I get myself in these akward situations? Oh yeah, thats right. Beer.
Tell me- the last time you drank, what embarassing things did you do?
June 15th, 2009 at 8:41 am
[...] I text messaged the girl I’m seeing a Saved By The Bell Reference (read more about that here). [...]
June 15th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I haven’t done anything too embarrassing the last few times I’ve drank. Then again, I’m not a champ like you Matt.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Last week was my birthday. The morning after, my bff asked how the rest of the night went. I texted her, “I have no effing clue…but I think there was crying. Not the good kind.” And later, it was confirmed. I was mortified. Who cries at the bar? Seriously.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:51 am
how much time do you have? i have a list a mile and a half long.
also, best saved by the bell text ever!
June 15th, 2009 at 10:04 am
TYPICALLY, I just tend to divulge too much information. Want to know my secrets? Get me wasted, I’ll tell you anything. This past weekend, however, I woke up naked next to a guy I heart in a big way who was also naked and neither of us could remember how that happened.
FAIL.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:10 am
haha - last time I got that drunk I puked all over the side of my best friends truck all the while trying not to fall out of said truck…3 day hang-over - yep I’m an ass
June 15th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I sent naked pictures to The Lawyer.
CLASSY
June 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I think your weekend was an overall WIN. Those times when you can only shake your head and laugh at yourself are the best. Don’t you think?
June 15th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Saturday night I kept all my drink tickets in my bra and pulled them out in front of elderly men. I also did a lot of inappropriate dancing and felt that 10 of my closest friends needed me to sing every. single. damn. word. of “Womanizer” so loud I drowned out Britney’s voice. And naturally I did all of this wearing no shoes.
June 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Mine almost always involving dancing… Because I’m not a good dancer but apparently I can lap dance… and I apparently prefer dancing on people I don’t know.
What were you doing in a bar with a 70+ year old woman?? And you complain about cougars? Tsk tsk…
June 15th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
It was a couple weeks ago now, but after the bar my friends and I ended up back at another friend’s house. She and her roommates all owned snuggies, so we all put them on, had a wand-making contest, and practiced casting spells on each other Harry Potter-style. There was video and photo documentation, both of which just surfaced on Facebook today.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I want to be Kurt’s best friend.
June 15th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
You make me thirsty.
June 15th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
The real question is:
Where was MY drunk text? Hmmm?
June 16th, 2009 at 12:47 am
I had only a single drink at the point the weekend before last when I texted my guy the following: ROCK LOBSTER!
And wondered why he didn’t reply…
June 16th, 2009 at 2:42 am
i supposedly made out with the extremely annoying friend of a friend.
i say “supposedly” because i don’t remember. at all.
June 17th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
(i’m so behind, i think thats what happens when you take a break, not that I’m back or anything)
i’m trying to imagine you in a bar with the hail falling outside and drinking yourself into a stupor. Hah! I wont even begin to list the random embarrassing things I’ve done drunk. i will say I have sent out some random texts, emails and might have kissed a random cute guy on the street…never to see him again. I hope i made his day. and the list goes on…believe me you probly dont wanna know anymore. might ruin my good girl status and then some.
i’m curious to know how your girl responded to your text?? and howd you get home? you sober up first? or did you brave the storm? (and do you really get tornados in denver??)
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:06 am
I sent the most ridiculous text ever tonight to a guy and now I feel like I can never face him again…….BEER=STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like dying!!!